Yes, I am 23 and my fiance is 28. He isn't really into the young thing in particular, he always likes older actresses (Catherine Zeta Jones, Catherine Keener, etc) who are in their 40s. It isn't us. It really isn't!

I will be blunt.. I have a curvy backside, and ok, I admit, it's really nice :) Good size, shape, etc. I have no complaints! And my fiance loves it...but then all his porn is centered around that body feature (I think one was called round mass of ass. Nice.) And I watched it once, and they have cellulite and lumps and busted up faces. Now why would he choose to watch stuff like that when he has a better version right in front of him? You got me! I am not vain, but I know for a fact I am better looking with a better rear end than any of those girls. And anything (really, anything!) he's ever wanted to try, I have, with enthusiasm!

So yes, after looking at his collection I realized it isn't me. Now if he was watching porn about like...petite asian chicks, yes, I would be paranoid. But it's not me, I realize that now. It's the compulsion.

Koala is so right on here. I go into my crazy head sometimes and think how the heck am I going to compete? I am not getting any younger. Then it hits me: What I look like has nothing to do with this porn addiction. He looks at teen girls in public like this because he is sick, nothing to do with my inadequacies.

I am 40 btw, I think I am pretty with an aging face and messed up body but ok, not totally disgusting. I can clean up well and from a distance look good. That said, I think that my husband could do worse, and he does with porn. He says no man would want me if they got to know me, and this hurts but looking at what he likes tells me he is not a good judge of a quality woman.

I am 32. When I think of that, I have mixed emotions. Part of me can't believe that I am so OLD, I don't feel that old! The other part of me feels about 64. The rest of me has given up and doesn't give a poop about anything anymore anyway, so, big whoopie. Today, I wish I were a drinker. There is something to be said for self medicating...

I spent so much time when he first told me, just staring at myself in the mirror you know? Analyzing every thing wrong with me...questionning my bedroom skills, and it tore me apart.

I had to really sit down with my fiance and talk about that. I don't just mean him telling me I was hot, or good in bed, or whatever. I needed him to really explain to me what he got from porn, what the draw was. It was really hard for him to say, because he spent his whole life hiding that part of himself, and I really forced everything out into the open.

I thought it would be hard for me to hear the things that drew him to porn over me. But it really wasn't. Since that conversation I honestly have not felt self conscious at all, it's been amazing. I won't go into what he said, because his reasons will be different than anyone else's. But I will say I dreaded having that conversation, but it was just fear of the unknown. That talk was one of the best ones we've ever had about the addiction, and it allowed me to understand that it wasn't about me.

So as much as it may be scary to really ask your husbands why they watch porn when you are right there, I would recommend it. It was extremely healing for both him and I and since then I have never looked down on myself physically because of this addiction. That talk allowed us to begin moving forward.

Try asking them, you may be surprised at what you hear :) But try to go into it with an open mind, and be prepared to just listen, because it will be really difficult for them to say.

that is GREAT advice koala. I think I will ask him! How simple yet profound. Truly great advice.

I am 57 years old. One marriage with a real hum-dinger SA....twelve years of living he//! Another 27 with this one. Time flies whether you are or you're not having fun. If you are still young...you might want to think on that. I am...and I'm old now. I would have done much better to respect myself and my needs...loooong ago. However, better late than never.

I just came to realize that because he rejects me...I don't have to. But, I do reject his image of me. And I reject his treatment of me too. I reject that he chose looking at little photos over how I feel. The photo takes precendence over how I feel. The real woman who makes him feel good..about something...I assume that's why I'm here. Because I make HIM feel good...in some way. Not sure how that works exactly.

I saw the images he finds so stimulating and the feelings he has associated with that ugly stuff is not something that I want. I don't want him looking at me that way....ever! I'd wanna slap his face off if I thought he fantasized about me in that position....doing that...like that.

If those ladies...pardon the expression...were in his presence...they'd probably wanna slap his face off too...because he isn't providing the large dollar figure they get to let someone treat them that way. Ha!

He says he doesn't think of me that way, because he respects me. Good idea...if he likes the shape his face is in...HA! But, the fact that he thinks that way about anyone makes me sick. Wow what an insight into his mind that was. Very enlightening. Still getting enlightened...daily.

It isn't the ladies of the night ladies...it is the feeling they associate with them. The ladies are just photos...they do nothing...are nothing. But, what of the perp? What is HE providing to those photos? HIS thoughts. The photos do nothing but make me sick. I'm providing that feeling. He provides his own...from his head. And...ooooooooh, do I ever reject that! He knows he an't treat me that way...I would surely make tracks! So, he does it to other women in his little mind...where they can't slap his face off. That's the way I see it.

I was 19 when i met my h in 1992, he was 30 years. His habit was well ingrained, before i came along.

The worst thing we can do in this battle is to personify what they do. I obsessed about this for years. But by me shelving all the blame, he was happily not takin responsibilty for his actions.
We all go thru the 'I'm too fat, not pretty enough, not worthy enough, not young enough". But honestly, its a wasted energy. By being the strong and CLEARLY fabulous bunch of ladies that we ALL are, this puts all the responsibilty back on them. Its their fault, their poor decision making, and they are being selfish within our relationships.

Hold your heads high, and throw it back in their faces!

Well Karmic, did you ask him? Let me know how it goes! :)

Geeeeez, beautiful youngsters! You guys are wasting way too much time worrying about these guys view of you. Bet they love that? And...I'm just sure they are absolutely fabulous...GQ all the way? Right? And if they were...and they're still an ass...who cares? I've been with men who were movie folk...GQ all the way....and an ass. I dumped em. A pretty package doesn't always hold a great gift! My H is a fairly good-looking guy...to me anyway...but he AIN"T GQ. Not even! I have had a much more exciting life than he has that way....believe it. I had movie offers and Pepsi girl offer. So, he was not satisfied with that either. Just an ASS! Not now though...I think he got it this time. I had been...years ago...reluctant to divorce him...a lot to do with our daughter. This time...I told him...now were on...We're gonna do the dance...I have no reason whatsoever to put up with your crap. You better get some help, get a grip, or get out. If you are even rude to me, much less playing with that nonsense, you ARE OUT of here. I meant it. I mean it still. I will always mean it. He KNOWS it. I believe he's been straight for a year. He better be!

I've been in this process for over ten years and I asked him straight up why its always the young ones for him. Mostly 18 to 23 not much older than that. Even the 16 or 17year olds are attractive to him. He likes the small petite and small chested. Interesting....so whatever it is they like they like. His answer...is they are not aging yet and he enjoys the tightness of a youthful body that hasn't started to age. That put me in high gear at the gym ladies. And at 42 I have a tighter harder body than I did at 20. But yes it will age regardless of what I do. Thats reason number 97 why I'm heading towards the door because I "NEED" someone to love me for who I am inside and not my rock hard fit body.

Itsmybiz: You go gurl! Huuugzzzzzzzzzzzz! Good for you on the gym thing though..the rock hard body thing...that's good for YOU! And your photo shows the rest. And your talk, says you're lots more than a photo! Get what you want out of life! I'm rootin' for ya!

I'm 30, have had six kids, and I have managed to lose the baby weight with all of them. My boobs aren't as perky as they could be, and that kills me sometimes, but I think I look pretty good considering...
He says I look good, and that he has always like the way I look. It isn't us. It's the fact that they can't get enough. They are so engulfed in their trance of addiction, that it doesn't matter what we do or what we look like.
I tell myself this. He has told me this. It is just going to take some time for me to really believe it, you know?

Yes I totally understand. I had many men looking at my tight abs on the beach in September on the beach and I still caught him checking out the young ones. Even ones that didn't look as good as me. So its there crazy addictive feelings of lust that drive them.

Point is I did all that thinking he would want me more and it didn't help at all...so no its not what you look like at all. Trust me on this one!

I agree Biz!! It is ridiculous. I am sorry but we all have beautiful faces, and every porn star I have ever seen just looks...busted...used up.

I loooooove my body and I love me! Sometimes ya just gotta look in the mirror, give yourself the once over and say, yeah, I got it!

If they won't notice it, screw them. Notice it in yourself! And hey, if other men notice you let them ;)

I'm 40 and DH is 53. He was looking at porn before I was even born! My husband looks at all kinds of things and doesn't play favorites. He prefers real breasts and other than that I really don't think he discriminates. I think he gets fantasy and reality mixed up. He says I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him yet his eyes keep going back to that nasty stuff and it's on his mind when he's trying to be with me in bed. Grr!