Well i'm not sure where to start... My ex-partner and I were meant to get back together last year in June after being split for 2 years. We both since then have become born again christians and both knew that we wanted it to work this time round, we have an 8 year old son together. I love him alot and he said that he'll always love me but isn't in love with me but in November he'd asked me to forgive him for all the heartache and pain he'd caused me and wanted to make it work this time. i'd already told him that it wasn't possible and I'd had enough and didn't feel the same, somehow I forgave him and we chose an engagement ring and planned to marry this year. I went away on holiday for 3 weeks,in my heart I was hoping that he wouldn't do anything to jeopardise what we both had just started but he did... To my disgust he'd gone out taken a pill and kissed a couple of gals but nothing sexual so he says. I told him to leave and not to come back! When we got to speak in person he said to me that he was feeling depressed and suicidal and that made me feel worse because i thought to myself had I known that I wouldn't of reacted that way towards him and I would've tried to help him. Now all I do is cry because it has been a month since he left and doesn't want me in his life anymore, he has said he can't stick to one woman and wants to do his own thing. I am so pissed off that he has done this to me!! again!! I feel cheated, let down, a failure, a fool etc.. for believing that he wanted to be with me and wanted to get married and all of a sudden it's changed! He has been seeing a counsellor and is having a report written up to prove to me that there is nothing wrong with him. I was starting to think he had this addiction that he has admitted to having and that he almost is border-line bi-polar but I feel like he is now living the life that makes him so happy and he says he's fine and that i need to move on and get over it!! After knowing him ten years thats how it all ends... Just like that! He had the cheek to say to me "Are you sure you're not suicidal?" Of course i'm not!! But I am so very very sad that I can't even do things like keep my home clean, I can't be bothered looking after my son, I cry just out of nowhere... I am lucky I have my Mum, i've told her everything and she has been helping me alot. I have never ever felt this horrible feeling of saddness before that doesn't seem to have any ending to it and everything seems to be fine for my Ex which upsets me even more... I feel like i'm the one who is crazy!! I do have an appt to see a clinical psyc in a couple of weeks because I am not dealing with this very well, it's almost like you think you're getting somewhere and then the hope you thought that was just around the corner was false and you go through it all over again but worse! He is only 28yrs old, doesn't have alot, lives in fairyland, has paid for sex, attended swingers, met someone online while we were meant to be sorting things out that she ended up txting me too because she claimed they both loved each other, a few weeks ago he'd told me he was seeing 3 gals and has unleashed the monster and doesn't want me in his life now... He makes me sick!! But i still feel like a death has occurred...
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