So do you ever think that you should know someone better than you do..... I have been in a relationship for going on five years, and I just realized something... I dont know as much as I think I do about him...... First of all is I feel like why should I be super nice to him, when all hes done in the PAST is hurt me, one lie after another. I continue to stay and he promises each time he will never do anything like it again. Granted every situation could be worse.... he has never physically cheated on me. Just small things that are BIG to me.... In my heart I feel like he should be the one doing all the trying.... not me. So heres the scene..... he is in bed (been there for maybe 10 minutes), I walk in room to go to bed, and turn the light on so that I can plug my cell in the charger, he gets all mad because I turned the light on... and says that I dont care about him..blah blah blah, how can some thing so little trigger something else? Now hes mad at me because he says I bitch at him everyday... and the list goes on...... exuse me but can you see it from my point of view? I ask a few things a day, I am a neat FREAK and I cant stand CLUTTER! So... when he gets home from work, he piles all his shit on the kitchen table (he is a deputy, so theres belts, cuffs, keys, gun, etc.....) laying on my table.. and EVERY day I have to ask him to put it away and I get the same response "I will in a minute" does he? Half the time NO! I end up doing it.... stuff like that bugs the hell outa me! so... am I freaking out over petty shit? Idk.... is it that hard to do what I ask? I am rambling.. some times I just dont understand men! Then we get into the convo that I never smile anymore.... gee I wonder why? could it be because I am no longer comfortable to be around you because I feel betrayed? How do you bring this up..... w/o getting in a fight? I am more and more insecure as the days progress... am I good enought for him today? The reason I struggle with this is becasuse he got caught sneaking porn..... I cant compete with that..and I wont. I shouldnt have to, I have tried to be fair but I am loosing myself on this one..... Maybe I dont try as hard as I should but whats the point? everytime I start trusting him, and or being nice, I get brought down by disapointment..... I mean whens the last time I got roses out of the blue? Just to say hey I am thinkin aboout you.... and I miss you! Some thing....I care about you.. your my world... I never feel appreciated... Its like an everyday battle to be happy, and being at a Job where I get sexually harassed allday, doesnt help... and some times I think I Take it out on him.. because he is a guy... sounds screwed up. What do yall think? any insight?
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