I am having a hard time being as supportive of my SA as I would like to be. I am finding myself becoming more and more resentful, no matter how much I educate myself or pray for strength and patience. I think that a lot of this has to do with the fact that I am pregnant and would love so much to be able to focus on my pregnancy and the baby. It seems like everything around me is tainted by his addiction and while I see him making a real effort now for the first time, I still have a lot of anger to deal with. Today while I was at work, assisting with a surgery, I had a dizzy spell that caused me to have to leave in the middle of a very crucial time. I had to lay on the ground and regain my bearings before being escorted to a more comfortable place. When I finally got my wits about me, I realized that my SA had texted me during this time to inform me that he was fighting some of the strongest urges to view pornography and masturbate that heâs had in âawhileâ. Of course I was proud that he overcame his urge today, but at the same time I was upset to have to deal with the pain that it causes to know just how present those urges are while Iâm dealing with other things that are very important. On top of that, he went to his first meeting tonight and for some reason, I am less than excited about it. I am having a hard time being a cheerleader for something that I donât want to have in my life to begin with. I mean, I just called off our wedding that was 6 weeks away for crying out loud, how am I supposed to do this? How can I be supportive?
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