as you know my husband childs birthday was yesterday and i am sure you can understand what a struggle this day is to me. i am torn because i really don't want my husband to have a relationship with this child and he of course wants to do the right thing. i know this sounds mean but it is how i really feel, i know that he wants to do right by his child and us at the same time but he can't. so when will he choose a relationship with her over one with us. i have never once told him that i don't want him to have a relationship with this child eventhogh this is how i truly do feel. i just can not let go and i do want to, i just don't know how. i tried spending time with the child and just the reality of her existance was too much for me. i fear facing my family and friends with this child. i know it should not matter what other people think but in reality it does. i am so afraid of my husband having a relationship with this child and what it will ultimately do to our relationship. i just can't see any good coming from this, how can this help our relationship. i feel like i am damned if i do and damned if i don't. i have been a good wife and now i feel like i am miserable with the child around and i am miserable when she is not around because i know he wants to have a relationship with the child. now instead of him having to make a choice i feel like i have to make an unfair choice. if i stay and deal with this child just to keep my marriage together, then me and our son suffer and if i leave because this is all too much, then me and our son suffer. i know this sounds like a bunch of rambling and may sound crazy but i am having a bit of trouble putting my thoughts into words.
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