Well we have not contact with the child, however my in laws don't know about the child or the affair, this something we are trying very hrd to keep private since we do not have contact. I don't know what will happen in the future if the child decides to seek out my husband once he gets older.

Maybe because we are in a different situation, however I would think the in laws would focus on your family and let that situation be as not to cause anymore problems. That is so hard for you, because you can't put it behind you....

This is a subject that has really been hard for me this week. My husband's family are very much a part of the child's life. My husband has visitation rights every other weekend. The visitation is really for his family though. His aunt picks the baby up from her babysitter on Friday and keeps her until Saturday. My husband then picks her up and takes her to his mother's house and she keeps her until Sunday evening.

This is something that is totally out in the open in his family and the child is a regular subject of conversation when he talks to family members on the phone (from his cousins down to his 7 year-old niece). The thing that upsets me is that they ask questions about how she is doing on MySpace. I think that is so rude and uncalled for. This is not something that I want the entire world to know about and the people in my life (my family, friends, etc.) do not know about this child and his family knows what a touchy subject this is for me. Why would they post messages like this on the internet for the world to see???

I think this whole situation would be much easier if it were just my husband and I trying to sort our way through it. It is people like his family that like to throw their two cents in that make it ten times harder. I know they are just excited about the baby and could care less who it's mother is, but come on. They need to have a little bit of compassion and understanding.

this was one of my first mistakes after finding out about the child-i told his mother, she told his other siblings, as if we had just had our precious first child. sad part is that she and his sister later turned on me. he called his sister one morning and was venting to his sister that he had not seen the child in several months because it was hard on me. well she got mad and called their mother to vent. well his mother takes great pride in "telling people off" no matter how wrong she is. she called and blamed me for everything and even made some personal attacks on my family, the same family who has shown my husband nothing but love, who has been there for us always and who forgave him for what he had done to me and our son. she called me with the pure intentions of attacking me and so she did. my husband was stuck in the middle and he just did not know what to do, but he started all of this crap. he did not speak to his mom for a few months afterwards. when he finally did start taking her calls she had the nerve to tell him to tell me hello and asked how i was doing. he did not tell me that she said hello until later and said that he did not tell me because he figured i was still mad at her. "you think." needless to say my husband denies that they have any contact with the child but i know that his sister is an emergency contact, if the childs mother calls our home and can not reach us. he swears that is all it is but i know that as mad as she was that he was not seeing the child, she sees or checks up on the kid. i am greatful that his mother and sisters true feelings for me came out. they don't care about our son but all of a sudden they care so much about this kid. good riddance.

While we are not exactly no contact at this point (it is very minimal contact), my husband's family does not know about the child or the woman. Yet this woman wanted her child to attend my father-in-law's funeral last year to pay her respects to her grandfather she never met and who didn't know she was alive. This is all before I knew about her. Can you imagine using a funeral as a way to push your agenda?

I don't get why the in-laws are so interested in pursuing a relationship with the child? Our extended families are not too messed up, just ours.

Pillar,thank you for bringing up this subject. Although it is painful subject to me I need to be aware that other women are and have had to go throuh these types of situations.
About two weeks ago i found a card in my husbands breif case when i was adding some documents. It was from a family member. The card congradulated him on a "bouncing baby boy" it had all this other "mushy" stuff written as if he and i had had this child.
That is not the bad part. This SAME family member was the first one on my husband's side of the family I went to in confidence to ask for help. Making myself vunerable and letting out the "secret" that he had not been coming home and infact my husband was treating the children and I VERY mean. To make a long story short. This same family member whom I have know for many years and, hug him when i see him,I respect him turned out to be one of the evil people ever. He encouraged my husband to go to other woman's house. He even went WITH my husband. He talked VERy bad about me.
My sister in law told me it was my "fault" he had affair and also my mother in law. It hurt SO bad because I really really thought they they liked and loved me. The were sent photos of the children and stop calling me and their first legitally born grandchildren.
Now, is that plain EVIL are what. Now the mom in law called and said, "Oh, it's so good to hear ya'll two voices together again, I love you all" I WANTED TO PUKE.

Pillar,thank you for bringing up this subject. Although it is painful subject to me I need to be aware that other women are and have had to go throuh these types of situations.
About two weeks ago i found a card in my husbands breif case when i was adding some documents. It was from a family member. The card congradulated him on a "bouncing baby boy" it had all this other "mushy" stuff written as if he and i had had this child.
That is not the bad part. This SAME family member was the first one on my husband's side of the family I went to in confidence to ask for help. Making myself vunerable and letting out the "secret" that he had not been coming home and infact my husband was treating the children and I VERY mean. To make a long story short. This same family member whom I have know for many years and, hug him when i see him,I respect him turned out to be one of the evil people ever. He encouraged my husband to go to other woman's house. He even went WITH my husband. He talked VERy bad about me.
My sister in law told me it was my "fault" he had affair and also my mother in law. It hurt SO bad because I really really thought they they liked and loved me. The were sent photos of the children and stop calling me and their first legitally born grandchildren.
Now, is that plain EVIL are what. Now the mom in law called and said, "Oh, it's so good to hear ya'll two voices together again, I love you all" I WANTED TO PUKE.

bittermiss i was reading what you wrote about the funeral thing and wondering how many of you saw the "desperate housewives" where gabby is at her husbands funeral and his father asked her to leave and when she refused he told her that he would be delivering the eulogy and if she was still there when he went up he would tell everyone what a whore and gold-digger she was. i have always said that if something happened to my husband i would not allow his whore to come, if she could find a way for the kid to come then that would be up to her, but i envisioned myself doing her just like on DH,only thing is i would tell her this before she even thought about coming to his funeral. i refuse to be at my husbands funeral and have people looking at this whore crying all over his casket, she would be lucky if i did not open it and throw her ass in with him. she deserves to be in a hole somewhere. i know that sounds mean but as i lay him to rest i refuse to do it with the woman who helped ruin our marriage.

Jae - Never watch Desperate Housewives, but I always think about what will happen if my husband dies before me. We are lucky to live in a different part of the country, so the OW probably wouldn't find out until after the funeral. I just worry about the estate. I still don't know if the estate would be responsible for making child support payments if my husband dies. If so, I will give away every cent. I will never give that woman or her child a nickel. Sorry. I am a stay at home mom and have been for almost 15 years. I have no way of supporting myself the way my husband can. The Ow has bragged to my about how successful she is. Great. Let her support her child then.

that is something that worries me too and if anyone knows the answer to this than please help me out. my husband has a pretty hefty life insurance policy and i fear that if he passes away his whore can try to sue me for part of his policy. i know that our son and this child will get social security, but i will be damned if this whore will get the money that will be left to me to take care of me and our son. i am the beneficiary but can she come after his money because she has his child and i know i should not be talking about death but these are the things i think about, i already know that if he passes away she would have to prove he is the father in order to get his SSI and i hope she can get his family to be tested because i will be damned it i put my son thru a parternity test-that is why i did not have a baby by someone elses husband so that my child and myself would never have to endure a paternity test. maybe she can get his mom to do it for her. sorry if that sounds mean i don't want to offend anyone.

No, Jae, I am not offended. My husband's daughter will get part of his SS because he is named as the father on her birth certificate. That is fine. She can have it.

I don't want her coming after insurance money or looking for an inheritance. I told my mother the other day I will NEVER give them a cent, I will give her all the money. I would rather smash each of my fingers then write out a check to them. I think she got off the phone really fast after I said that!

I have been trying to research this issue and I am not sure. I keep coming up with different cases that cancel each other out, so I don't know the answer. If my husband dies, I won't keep getting money from him, why should they?

I hate to sound like my only concern is money. But when it comes right down to it, I really think it is the driving force of most of the OWs. I just don't want her to have what she set out to get. She didn't get my husband in the end, and I don't want her to get anything else.

Have I mentioned I hate her?

JaeW, I am not sure but I would check it out. I thought that a person had to be LISTED as a beneficiary to recieve funds. Well I know this is true with adults......but children, hum, not sure. Let me know if you find out anything. Hope all is well.

thanks to you all for trying to help. i know some lawyers but none that deal with wills and real estate. if she knows what is good for her she would know she better leave me the hell alone. i have keep my cool and not ripped her head off so she better feel real damn lucky. anyway thanks again.

My husbands parents want nothing to do with the children, as of so far. his dad hasn't said anything about it and me and his mom talk about it, she supports me fully. And of course shes mad at her son, but its her son so you know how that goes. A mothers love, is a mothers love no matter what. She is mad at the ow for sleeping with a married man and even more mad that she is trying to take food out of his childrens mouth (our 2 girls), but my n laws have other problems going on right now too, my father-n-law has been in the hospital for 2 weeks because of gallstones. He is not doing all that well. The ow wants all this cs but will not allow my H to see the kids unless he comes to her house, without me. Yeah, thats not gonna happen in my life time!