The intensity of what has happened is still heavy to me. tt has improved a little. I still think about it just about every thirty minutes...better than every waking moment. My H is so different and just seems to act as if it does not even exist? He is remorseful, but never speaks about the child and still wants nothing to do with him at all-not in a mean way but in a way that he is not willing to risk my mental health or risk losing me and my son by bringing him into our lives. He feels the child has a great family support group and plenty of love. He feels why create drama and child exchange. Sometimes I feel like it is also his way to just escape his responsibility? I tell him he is selfish...he says it is also selfish to the baby to go the other route (filing joint custody). Sometimes I think it’s his way to hide the truth from me...more details would be likely to come out if we were to start seeing the baby. As of now she refuses to speak to us without a court order. She will not respond to us in any way shape or form. DSS say we must have an order to speak to her or see the baby. I am rambling, but it’s just amazing to me that he has not let this consume his life like I have. I am working on it but I am still fighting depression and anxiety daily. I feel as if I am floating thru life and that all my dignity and self-respect is gone. I feel often like I am just settling and too scared to stand up for myself? I sure hope I can feel better someday...thanks for hearing me out. How does your H act about the child?
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