Oh jae, I'm so sorry for this! I was thinking the other day how a woman like us would be able to stand it if the husband did have something to do with the child. I actually think about it every day and try to make myself feel differently about the child. For me it's hard to change how I feel because my husband won't be involved in the childs life (he doesn't want to be), even if he was, I would have no say in anything except the care of the child if it were at our home.

With his 2 older children it was different because he had them before they were divorced. I tried for so long to be able to be a step mom to them and love them but he and is family and the mother of the boys...well lets just say it wasn't worth it for me and my kids. I had to step back, take care of their needs but have nothing to say. That's when I decided that if they ever came back it would be up to him to feed them and change their clothes, etc.

Anyhow, I think you're doing the best thing you can do for yourself and your son. My husbands child is only 1 1/2 but her birthday is 3 days before my husbands, so I know that every year will be sucky. I don't even want to celebrate his birthday anymore, I just do it for him and fake my emotions.

I wish I could erase this from your life, take away all your pain. I wish I could be with you on that day to help you but please know I'll be thinking about you and praying for you! You are a wonderful, strong, loving person! I really hope your husband knows what a special person he's married to! At this point you're a much better person than I am!

You keep doing what you're doing. When you face God someday, I know He'll look you in the eyes and say, "Well done, my child. I'm so proud of you!"

June first will my husband's child's first birthday. I think that is going to be a very hard day, even though we have nothing to do with hte child, it's just a reminder of the situation. Try to do something that will make you and your own child happy. Try to make your own memory of something positive. Big Hugs!!!!

thanks ladies i really appreciate your support. if he decides to do something with her then i will do something with my son that day and i will be sure to be surrounded by people who care. thank you so much.

thanks ladies i really appreciate your support. if he decides to do something with her then i will do something with my son that day and i will be sure to be surrounded by people who care. thank you so much.

thanks ladies i really appreciate your support. if he decides to do something with her then i will do something with my son that day and i will be sure to be surrounded by people who care. thank you so much.

i went today to do some shopping for my house and i bought the little girl a dress for her birthday. i did it mostly because my husband would have gone out and spent money we don't have, or he would send her cash and you know her mother would not spend it on her. i also did it because i know the little girl loves new clothes and i know that the only new clothes she gets is from us. so thru all my pain and all the other emotions i feel, i did this for her and my husband.

Hugs to you for being so strong!!!!

well as you all know her birthday was yesterday. this is a day that haunts me everyday of my life and the closer it got the worst it got for me. well just when i thought that i had gotten thru it and i could move forward, i find out that not only did my husband go and buy her something different from the purple dress i bought he took it to her daycare and i knew nothing about it. the dress has been hanging on the door knob for about a week now and so i was not sure what he was gonna do about her birthday. well i did not want to do it but i had the urge to play p.i. yesterday and here is what i found: he came home in a great mood yesterday after 3 days of barely speaking to me, i checked his wallet and one of his major credit cards was in his pocket with his wallet but not in the wallet, and i looked thru his phone and saw that he called the childs daycare and 58 mins later there was a call to or from his mother. okay so today i looked up his credit card on-line and saw the purchase that he made yesterday, and when i asked him about it he acted as if he had no idea what i was talking about and said "what's wrong is there a problem." as if he had no idea what in the world i could be talking about. so i left it alone and i said "i just wanted you to know that i am tired of being your fool." well of course this turns into a huge argument on his part and he acts as if he just can't figure out what is wrong with me. he had the fucking nerve to say that he thought the dress was from me to her and i was shocked. why am i with him, why am i going thru this very unnecessary shit. maybe i am a fool.......

You are not a fool, you are a strong person. I don't have an answer for why he doesn't get it. Is he willing to sit down with you and make a plan that you both can live with, if not make you need to do some deep sole searching... You deserve to be happy............