Does anyone else have this roadblock to recovery, that your H is overwhelmed by guilt for the creation of the OC? I feel that my H cannot move past this. He is a good father to his child by marriage and he constantly mentions how he cannot do those things for his OC (we are no contact because the OW lives far away, plus he didn't want to upset our child or our martial recovery by pushing for contact).
I think he needs to come to forgive himself for the fact that he was involved in this child's creation. She said she was using birth control and he trusted her. But of course he is an educated person and he knows that pregnancy is always a possibility--he later told me that he was amazed that he had an accidental pregnancy with her because I had controlled my fertility with him successfully for 25 years--one pregnancy, the month I tried to get pregnant (yeah, because I really didn't intend to get pregnant and I worked at it, who knows with her).
Anyway, this group tends to talk a lot about our feelings and feelings towards the OW and OC but not so much about the emotional recovery of our husbands. Has anyone had this problem that your H is obsessed with the "evil" done on an innocent child, so that he cannot get past it and forgive himself? At the beginning, I was happy that he beat himself up over it, because I felt he deserved the pain. Now I feel that nothing good is coming of it. It seems to crush him. I also feel badly for the fatherless child but he signed legal papers to no contact and the mom is not allowing it unless he becomes "fully" involved (every other weekend, etc) which is impossible given their distance.
He does pay child support (a lot actually) but it's the fathering that he feels guilty over not being able to provide.
How can I help him forgive himself for the accidental creation of this innocent life?