ok, so its been 10days now since i found out about my husband's daughter. after a few days of crying, i really haven't been able to feel anything. there is sadness and anger, but its muted. i haven't even really yelled at my husband, just thrown a few sarcastic remarks in his direction from time to time. i guess i'm glad that i'm not completely freaking out, but its actually somewhat disconcerting. i have to admit that i can be a bit of a hot head, and this just isn't me. i shouldn't feel this calm!! WTF is wrong with me??
coincidentally, me best friend and i just started training for a marathon and i have had some of the best runs i've ever had in my life. i usually run with music, but i have gone without on a few of my shorter runs and just let the thoughts flow in and out of my head. i've felt like i could just keep running and running forever (maybe subconsciously just trying to run away?) i think that my training may end up being an absolute god-send. i'm being "forced" to exercise, take care of my self, eat right, etc. i think that running may end up being my coping mechanism and therapy.
we do plan to start counseling soon too, but i just wanted to suggest to everyone here that they might want to try some intense exercise as a way to escape and for stress relief.
red, i was specifically thinking about you with your young children. do you have a gym that offers child care so that you could go and run/walk/lift/zoomba/dance/bike your thoughts away for a few hours here and there? i know that my self esteem was pretty low after my daughter was born, just because i felt fat and ugly and that working out really helped me to get my self esteem back and, given everything you've got going right now, getting back to your prebaby body could go a long way to helping you feel better about everything.
just some thoughts that i'm hoping could be helpful. thank you all for being here. just knowing that you are makes me feel stonger.