Have a good laugh.....


Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,' Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)


I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

- Eleanor Roosevelt


Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

- Mark Twain



Santa Claus
has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

- Victor Borge



Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain



By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates



I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx



My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante



My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

- Rodney Dangerfield



Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.

- Joe Namath




I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

- W. C. Fields



We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

- Will Rogers




Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

- Phyllis Diller