The last couple of days have been stressful for me. School, family, and private life have been extremely depressing. It all started this morning when my school instructor called. I wasn't able to make my clinical assignment because I was missing my required uniform. I had already called her last night, explaining the circumstances. She proceeded to tell me I was docked two points for a no call/no show. If that wasn't enough, my brother gave me a big lecture about not attending today, and laid a guilt trip on top of it. "I came up for the sole reason to get you back and forth to school." was his complaint. He has not lived a peachy life, but he still felt he was valid in his complaints to me. Instead of walking away from the situation, I began yelling at him "It's none of your business, you can't even keep a job. Always fighting with your wife, and taking everybody else down in your misery." The arguing kept on, and I finally calmed down. He didn't, he wanted to continue the fight, even though I was done with what I was saying. Everything transpired into me buying a pack of cigarettes, and smoking them. Instead of dealing with my stress in a better way, I gave in to the nicodemon. He is one nasty bugger, and I feel like I can still do this. Spiritually, I am not ready yet. The rest of me still desires to give up the cigarettes. I reset my meter for the 5th of this month. By then, I should be ready to start over. In my heart I feel I have failed everyone that was counting on my quit to inspire them to do the same thing. I hope somebody can shed some serious light in this situation.
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