hello everyone. i journaled about this yesterday and have already recieved much needed support, but i had to finally post on the board that i have slipped. (more than a "slip", its been since this weekend, a pack a day) i have been avoiding the group because of my humiliation and disappointment in myself. i was only days away from my 6 month mark, and i have managed to mess it all up. i had a really traumatizing weekend (son put dog in a headlock, dog bites son, son needs stitches, hubby wanted to shoot the dog, horrible nasty things said, but a happy ending with my dad taking the dog to save him from being put down...). i let the addiction try to solve the emotions..BIG MISTAKE. a few packs in i was feeling like a full fledged smoker again. i was craving like crazy, i was drained-no energy. my throat hurt, and since i still have my sense of smell, the SMELL of myself was super sickening. i almost wanted to lie, to keep this to myself. i felt embarrassed to admit what i had done and being the competitive person that i am, i didnt want to loose my quit stats. it PAINS me to say i am now back to day one and i dont want to forget this feeling. i realize, though, that this isnt about my humiliation, or having a big number to show. its about me getting back on track and staying smoke free. i guess im hoping to show all of you who are starting out, and for those of you on day 100, and those of you who are 6+ months...dont think you can have just one. there is a line that you cross that you dont even realize..once you cross it you are past the point of return. the addiction can take over so fast you wont know what hit you...i am doing well on this day ONE.
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