Sorry for disappearing. Started up again. It sucked. So, for anyone thinking of going back to smokes, don't! it was a self-imposed prison all over again. Started smoking friend's cigs, then broke down and bought my own. I was a prisoner again. It wasn't enjoyable. I was taking more asthma meds again and I was enslaved. Now I'm back to day one of withdrawal hell. (Sigh) My mind is a war zone. I guess I just have to hang on. I made it to 8 days before. I have a hard time beating myself up. I try to stay in the moment, but it's hard. I feel like you guys are mad at me and judging me. It's hard 'cauuse all my friends smoke. I dread going to work tomorrow on day 2 with no smokes. I just keep trying to remind myself of the bad feelings when I smoke. It's hard to do good things for myself like exercise and eat right 'cause I don't really love myself. I'm glad you guys are all still here. Hope everyone is good. Don't really have any faith in myself. Try to pray and wirte about what I want. Try to apply 12 step program I go to to this as well. It's so hard. I don't know who I am anymore. I'll shut up now.
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