Can't i stick to a free smoke life????? Every time i'm ready to quit i sabotage it.EVERY TIME!!!!!! Gosh i'm getting so very tired starting over,i have NO BACKBONE HERE!! I have very bad COPD right now . I got myself 10 year quit,all the support from family,friends you name it. I've put my family through hell,me througgh hell. Dammit i'm dying and still i have a stupid strong headed way about this. Just one more has got to stop To the core of my being i know i was so felling alive,healthy and happy when i was smoke free. WHY do i Hate myself so WHY!! Why am i so hell bent on killing myself. Why do i always say tomorrow,just one more,none of this neveer comes to me anymore. I can give all the excuses know to man,like daughter and new family moving in,they all have issues,i have to lose 100 lbs yesterday,i'm on permant disabily that only pays 500 a month and medical has to come out of that. Gas prices are eating us alive. I know all of these are just excuesses . Deep down inside i want to purge,i want to make everything right,and no one is following me. i know i can't control people. i went off all my pain medication trying to cut down the bills,didn't work the pain was to bad. My sister says i'm stupid for even being on them,she has it worese than me and she refuses to be on them,that i'm using them as a crutch. hubby just buys the smokes for me,he's tired of my fikleness about smoking,don't blame him. i'm sorry that i'm purging on you guys. This is me, i have CP,22 operations,2 bad car accidents,only my left side works anymore,can't breath,fat as a pig,i still ride my bike and swim some though. i volunteer localy, So i don't just sit. Please ideas anywone?? besides spell check...lol
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