2 Months ago, my second husband, the love of my life left me. He moved out. We have a 2 year old daughter together. I was married once before for almost 10 years and that union produced a son. He is now 8. My current husband and I have been married for 3 years. My first husband cheated and I never got past it before marrying this time around. I accused him of cheating and everything you could think of and it was awful to go thru. For both of us. I am now living alone with the 2 kids in the house and my husband is living in an efficiency apt. I have all of the furniture and he sleeps on a mattress. I still love this man even though he yells at me and makes me feel unsafe. I know he is not right for me because in reality he just wants his cake and eat it too. He wants someone there but is not willing to maintain that. I feel like the trophy he competed to win and when he did, he shined me for a bit and then placed me on a shelf and left me there to gather dust. I am insecure and feel so unloved, it's pathetic. I have felt this way for about 2 years. Since we had our daughter. He got the kid and then had no more to do with me. Sex became sparce and kind of robotic. I miss the good times. They were wonderful. I know he has it in him, or maybe he just puts on an act when it comes to couplehood. I don't feel like he's cheating, but I have already slept with another man since the separation and plan to continue this. I need to connection and there is nothing more to this but sex. We have been friends since high school. Anyway, for the past 2 months I have not slept well at all and eating is hard. I have turned back to smoking and I am afraid I will end up lost again like I was with the last divorce. This is literally killing me. I am very sick right now with what might be pneumonia and I am taking care of 2 kids alone while he has free time. What do I do? ~M~
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