Hi all,

This is the first time I've done one of these so apologies for the length (not sure if there's some standard way of doing this!!)

I'm feeling pretty misearble at the moment and I'm wondering if there is anyone who can give me advice or who is in a similar situation.

I love my partner dearly and we have been together now for almost a year. He has a beautiful litle girl and we get on amazingly. My partner does not have residency but has regular contact (although we would like more). We have been seeing each other for a year and during this time he has been through an horrendous custody battle and I have supported him through this. This has now all been settled but nevertheless his ex wife is still being incredibly difficullt and cruel. She is using their little girl to hurt him but in the process their little girl is becoming desperatley upset. Seriously, if i told you half the stuff she had done you wouldn't believe it; her actions include stopping contact because apparently my partner had beaten me up in front of his little girl; tried to get him arrested and telling their little girl that "daddy was going to die in prison and you'd never see him again; telling the doctors, nursery etc not not release any information to my partner about their daughter....and on..and on (the list is endless). To be honest, i feel embarrassed being a woman because of the things she has done and I am shocked at how biased the law is towards the mother. We are confronted with her unnecessary behaviuor practically every week and it is weraing us both down.

Obviously, my partner is very down about all of this and we are both very concerned about his daughter. She tells us that she wants to live with us and that her mummy doesn't like her. She asks him if he thinks about her when she is not with us and that just breaks his heart. It really is so horrid at the moment. He's become so focused on his little girl (which is understandable) but also on his ex wife due to her behaviour and I'm feeling pushed out (which i know sounds so melodramatic)

The thing is I can't see it getting any better, I mean, this has been going on for a year and his ex is still being the same. The trouble is I'm starting to get very down about it and about our future. My partner tells me that because of what he's going through he does not want anymore children bevause he's scared it'll happen to him again (he has two other children that he doesn't see anymore because a similar thing happened to him with his first wife). As much as I try to convince myself that it's ok, I'm really worried about it. At the moment I don't want children, I'm 25 and doing a PhD (my partner is 33 for those who are asking). I know he loves me and that he means it when he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but yet he doesn't want to have a child with the person he loves. I understand what he's saying, but god, it really hurts.

I'm also worried about our future. He's very much tied to where he lives because of his daughter. I suggest to go to places for a holiday and he says "it depends on what is hapeneing with my little girl." It would be nice to hear, "yeah, that'd be really great, but I'd need to check dates so that i don't miss contact." I mean, his ex is so petty that if he needed to change a contact day she'd refuse and just say that he'd have to miss seeing her so I know it's hard to just go away and change the day he sees his little girl. I suppose I'm worried about when I finish my PhD. That could take me anywhere and I know that my partner wouldn't come, not until his daughter was old enough to say she wanted to live with us.

I suppose, in a word, I'm feeling very unloved and unsupported when I've been helping him all this time. He says that he needs time to find himself again, which I understand, but I just don't know how to cheer up and just get on with things. I love his daughter dearly but she'll never be my child and I'm just finding the constant tug-o-war battle between him and his ex very trying and I'm tired of it. His mum has now started custody proceedings to have her own contact so I suppose things are really going to escalate.

When he has his little girl all of his attention is on her..and..hang on before you're all start screaming at the screen. This is totally fine and expected (i'd be rather worried if his attention wasn't on his daughter), but when we don't have her he is either upset and sad because he misses her (again understandable), is angry because his ex has said or done something, or is stressed because his ex is doing something. So, it feels we never really get "our time," so I suppose all of our life is centered his ex - I suppose she controls us in a way and I know she keeps pushing and pushing so that either we break up or so he turns around and says "that's it, you can have our daughter and can go back to your country to live" (his ex is not originally from the Uk and since the beginning has tried to take their daughter back to her country - even trying to do a runner at one point). His ex really cannot stand tha fact that their daughter wants to be with her daddy.

Crikey, this really is getting long now - sorry everyone!! Anyway, is there anyone out there who is or has experienced similar situations? Or, are you a parent who is experiencing something similar - maybe you could tell me so that i could understand better listening to an outsider? I know there's not just us going through this and worse things are happening right under our noses but i really don't have anyone to talk to. I've tried talking to my family but they are very biased, understandably so because they are my family. Equally, i can't talk to my friends for the same reason. I have spoken to my partner and he says that he doesn't want to lose me but understands if i want to leave. THAT is NOT what i want to do. My family say that I'm too giving and that i have been incredibly patient for such a long time but what i am doing is beyond the call of duty, that i cannot sacrifice myself for another human being.

Heck, I'm just struggling at the momenet to think positive and it'd be nice to hear back from someone about how they are feeling/felt.

Thanks for taking your time out to listen to my moany blog - much appreciated.

Hope you all stay perky and be happy at least sometimes during the day!!!! :)
x x x x