i know i havetn posted much on this board but i have been reading them just sometimes dont know what to write - however i have had the week from hell and i feel like shite and with nobody else to talk to i came here so this might be a ranty post and im sorry ahead but i just feel so low !! after a week of deciding which activities ic an afford for my daughter to do and which ones she wants to give up etc i took her off to her new trampolining club this morning however we were told the wrong group and she ended up with a load of teenagers however she really enjoyed it - we were told to go earlier next week and she be with ones her own age ! but that wasnt good enough for her she liked being witht he older ones and she wasnt going to listen to my reasoning !! so we ended up in the car after wards having a full scale row and me tellign her she was ungreatful as i bust my ass to pay for things she wants to do and thats the friggin thanks i get !! i was cryign she was crying and i took her straight to her dads afterwards (she normally goes every weekend) and he started quizzin me well what u been shouting at her for etc etc why she crying i thought hang on mate u pay me money each month and thats it i get the shit i get the rows i get the tantrums so dont you bloody dare start !!! anyway i came home to an empty house(only me n her) its messy its a pig sty - its a private rented house as we rented it when we were married - its too big and i cant cope with the cleaning of it all - my friend brought me a puppy for my 30th jsut gone cause i siffer with anxiety and stuff and he thought it be good to egt me out the house - however i had a big panick attacks last time i took him out and now i wont go - so i thought right well we go in the garden today and i can get some gardening done at least something will be clean n tidy - no such luck the bloody dog wouldnt let me do anything he kept running off with all my spades etc and i ended up jacking it in and coming in after 20 mins !! my house is cluttered and full of shit but because i on my own i cant clear it out n take it to the tip !! Im lonely every bloody night i have IBS and i cant eat anything other than bland foods right now and its all just getting a bit too much - i know i gunna sound like a right fruit loop and its a really long post but i have nobody to talk to atall - all my so called friends never want to talk when i ring them cause they have husbands and a nice life so havent got time for me and im jsut getting a little pissed off with life right now !! i been ill for 3 years and they still cant find out whats wrong with me and i just cant see any change in my life or any future for me !! i dont wanna be here anymore - dont get me wrong im too much of a chicken to go top myself but i just dont see the point in me beign here anymore !!i jsut wanna go away somewhere and get away from it all and not come back but i know thats not going to change my life!! and to be honest all i ever done is run from things and imsick of it now
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