Hi, I'm new here, so I should introduce myself. I'm Laura! I have been divorced for three years. I have four children, and also a new partner (of two years now).
My children's father was abusive towards me and the children. It took me 8 years to gain the strength to leave him without allowing him to talk me into another chance.
After the separation things were awful with suicide threats, knocks on the door in the middle of the night and constant text messages. I wish now that I had gotten a DVO against him, but I was truely scared that he would kill himself.
8 months after the separation he moved to another town to live with his parents and in that time he hooked up with a girl we had known for a long time... We knew her because we used to babysit her... It was not more than 4 months later he calls with 'exciting news' that is girlfriends was pregnant. The kids didnt quite know how to take it, but like always, I was the one picking up the pieces.
Last year he moved back with his girlfriend and new baby. He had a job 9for about three weeks) but she was finding it really hard to look after ONE child for 8 hours a day so he quit to help her care for the ONE baby. He has told the children how he doesn't have to work because the government pays more than he could earn in a week anyway.. In the ten years he was married to me, he worked maybe one year of that. He spent his days on the internet downloading movies and watching them. Had no interest in the children or anything else that didn't serve him a purpose.

But anyway due to the Australian family law reform, he has gained shared care (50/50). It was arranged through mediation, and I felt like I was forced into agreeing to it. But it is meant to be on trial till mid January 2008. In the two months it has been going on for though, he has been evicted from his TINY three bedroom (not sure you could call it a house... maybe caravan without wheels?) and it isn't easy to find rental accommodation here... and his girlfriend is expecting another child. So Mr sperm is going to have SIX children. I have a feeling he will have to end up moving away back to his parents soon anyway as he has a very bad rental history and I know I wouldn't want to rent to two unemployed adults with 5 children and another on the way... And due to his public housing debt, he won't be elegible for emergency housing.

The kids have come home with stories of how he throws his baby in the cot and how he teases the baby all the time. Other parents from the school have come to me with stories of how he treats his baby. I believe them because that is how he treated my children. One of the reasons I left...

Other issues are how my youngest daughter is taking the shared care. When I collect the children, she is very loving towards me, but 'way out of character' with her violence and anger towards her siblings. This lasts a few days and then she is the normal little chooky I know and love. Then on a Thursday night when I remind them that the next day is swap over... she starts again. She begs me to stay. It is really difficult to get her to school. The other kids also notice the significant difference, but three times I have attempted to discuss this with their father and he refuses to believe that there is anything wrong. She is fine with him, so I must be the problem. He even accused me of babying her so much that I am stunting her growth. Now come on... I have FOUR kids... I don't have the time or energy to baby her!!!

So now I'm at the point where I have no idea what I can do about this. I am not comfortable waiting for mid January for the next mediation... and a fat lot of good that did me.... I have the right to stop the trial, but then the kids the shared care is working for will miss out...
I'm thinking of taking my youngest to see a psychologist so at least then there will be no dispute. But he is refusing to change anything with the care arrangements saying I will have to take him to court... the one thing I wanted to avoid. But knowing now that this is what may happen, I'm searching through the shed looking for my old diaries to prove the domestic violence that happened to me and the children. I'm also going to see a psychologist. I didnt want to have to get dirty and bring all this into it, but I am going to have to. He hasn't changed.

Anyway I'm feeling really alone here... I dont know any other parents who have 50/50 and I just need to know I'm not the only one. 50/50 is only new in Australia. Last year there was a mere 3% of single parents with share care. I feel as if I have failed the children. I know they will see the differences of the two different homes, but he is still their dad and whether I like it or not he will have a huge influence in their lives.

There is so much more I could add as I'm sure you know what I mean. But I have to go and do some house work. Thanks if you made it this far... :)

Laura!