Get your family in to counseling asap. There are reasons there are counselors. People need people, and some people have special talent that help people get through pain and get them healthy again.
I hope you feel better soon and your to.

we all tried counseling and found that made things worse. we try to work thing out with each other. the 14 yr old just admitted that she thought all dads were like this and that all moms knew about it. of corse when I found out he went to prison and I still try to figure it all out but I have to have a life.

finding a good councelor is like finding a great pair of shoes, it dosn't just happen by accident. and iknow from personal experience at the begining it seems to be worse because all that old stuff is coming up and we have to deal with it. but given a good councelor who's dealt with these sorts of issues, time, and the strength to forgive yourself it will get better. carying around the guilt is not a way to help your daughter, yes she may become angry at you at some point in her therapy but just keep loving her and doing all you can for her and in the end it will be ok. and on the flip side it may be good to find a suport group for mothers of victims because i know the emotions that go with that are very strong and you do need time for yourself to deal with them.