I have four daughters and one son. Divorce and breaking up is the worst experience I have ever felt or had. My parents were Divorced when I was 5 years old. You could say I have know divorce all of my life. I have many scars and PTSD not from Vietnam. But due to world war 5 divorce syndrome. Oh how a loved one can turn on us. However my worst hurt was my childhood. After I became an adult. Because I am a man and was a caring and providing Husband and Father. My pain and suffering was, is, and has caused my children who are now adults more suffering and pain than even I can imagine. I wonder the root cause of Beeperhood? I am 54 soon to be 55 It was 8 short long bitter sweet years ago that There started to be a meaning to the roller coast ride I have been on all of the days of my life. MY one main question to the doctors has been chemical or circumstance was this so called disease a by product of divorce or really an imbalance of the chemicals in my brain. How did we wind up here hoping to find someone else like us? When finances are good our loved ones love us, We have a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our backs, and more toys then you can shake a stick at. What snaps in our spouses or our brains to cause our children and their children to suffer loss and pain. Why can we in most cases not find someone to love us as much as we love them. I love my family, I still love every wife, girlfriend, and lover I have ever been with. I love my children and grandchildren more then life its self. Their pain and suffering is my pain and suffering. I am here in this group to try and understand this disease. To make sense of it all. This so called disease BI-Polar BP BEEPERHOOD I would give my life to kick this diseases ass! I offered my life to my GOD my COUNTRY, and to/for you! and are fighting a war where once again like Vietnam where there is no victory. Only the hopes of being loved, loving others, and always suffering the agony of defeat? May God bless the little children who have and are suffering from this disease because we have it! I would rather I tied a millstone around my own neck and cast myself into the sea before I ever concieved a child with a wife. Saying I'm sorry for finding out too late that I have had this disease to late in my life. Will anyone or God ever forgive me? I'm on daily meds and very alone in life now. BUt that will never change the fact I hurt most the ones I loved the most. If it were not for the fact that GOD does exist and that he is a forgiving God. ANy and all thoughts welcome if anyone reads this.
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