Well, I believe there is no such thing as friends. In Real life or otherwise. Everyone will betray you. And you can say no I have people that won't. Well that is a lie. For the right price (Not always monetary) people will betray you. So I leave myself open. I talk to people, I meet people. But I never say anything that can come back to hurt me later. I am kinda a closed book, and that is what I think is good. Especially for us Beepers...no one understands us except a few other Beepers...So find one or 2 Beepers that are like you and use them as a sounding board, someone to talk to, and maybe confide in, but always be aware that they can hurt you too. Feel free to talk to me anytime you like.

Damn Lintz, I thought I was just going to get a bunch of sh!t from people but you really did put things in perspective for me. I have had only one person in my life who hasn't betrayed me and that was my grandmother. She is now dead and I feel that there is a hole in my heart because of it. And I do feel a sense of loss and bitterness...not because she is gone (I know she is in a better place now) but because she represented what was right about this world...being kind and loving and just being a good person. I have yet to find that in anyone I meet. It really does sicken me to the core.

Well, if it's any consolation, you still have her. Think of it in a mushy way like "always in your heart" but I like to think of it metaphysically. No I don't believe in heaven personally, but I think past people I have loved and trusted still are somewhere and can hear me. So I talk to them. At least in death they won't betray you, and sometimes to a nice surprise they talk back. Especially if your manic, you see the signs of their answers quicker.

But hey, that's just me.

Huh, I never thought of that. I bought a set of matching blankets for the two of us when she was alive...I still have mine, my mom has the other one now...I know we both feel close to her 'cuz we both sleep under those blankets every single night...it is our own way of being close to her...but I never thought of talking to her. I'll have to give that a try. Maybe talking to her will give me the strength that I need.

Huh, I never thought of that. I bought a set of matching blankets for the two of us when she was alive...I still have mine, my mom has the other one now...I know we both feel closer to my grandmother 'cuz we both sleep under those blankets every single night...it is our own way of being close to her now that she is gone...but I never thought of talking to my grandma. I'll have to give that a try. Maybe talking to my grandmother will give me the strength that I need.

Try at night, while it's quietest holding the blanket close to you. Close your eyes thinking of her, and talk to her, ask her for advice. You'll be surprised at the results.

Told ya feel free to msg me anytime. I always think "differently" then most people.

Well DS is not really so different then the outside world when it comes to friendship, everyone defines friendship in thier own way, usually to suit what they are needing in thier life.

So it should probably be more about what do you expect out of your friends? I expect my friends to do the best they can to be there for me during the good and bad times as I expect to be for them, but not to the extent where they are made to feel like I am the only friend they have. I have learned that friendship means excepting all facets of that person and being accepting of them as they will of you. No one is perfect and friendships will go through ups and downs but the ones that are true will survive these times and endure. I have friends from all walks of life, young and old far and close and they provide me with many different prospectives on the same issues that helps me see it from many sides. I think if you close yourself off to friendship and the hand that reaches out to you that offers that friendship the only person to be hurt is yourself.

Because of my family dysfunction when I was growing up I looked to my friends for the love I was not recieving at home. I would say 90% of the time I was not disappointed by letting these people in my life. We all make misjudgement sometimes whether it is in friends, lovers or spouses, if you learn from that then it was not a wasted expierence. The thing I hope to not take from this is to let it control my life to the point I won't let someone in who has not done me wrong. Friendship is also about forgivness, I don't mean you have to continously forgive someone, but if it were you wouldn't you want to be given a second chance if you had somehow screwed up knowingly or unknowingly. If you find that person continues to exhibit those same issues then yes it is best for all involved to disolve that friendship before it becomes toxic.

I know I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for friendships in my past, both times I tryed to commit sucicide it was a friend who somehow knew I was in trouble and saved me. At the time I may have not been as grateful as I am at this time but those friends proved to me that they were always going to be there for me no matter what. I lost my best friend I ever had when she passed on unexpectedly from a illness, I have never felt such grief in all of my life. I still feel sadness that she is not here with me on this physical earth but she will always be with me in my heart and my memories and I do talk to her whenever I see and feel something that reminds me of a memory we shared. We had many ups and downs in our friendship but the core of it never changed because we truly loved each other and would not let the little things in life tear apart the amazing bond we had as friends.

Friends have always meant alot to me and always will but you will always run into those "fair weather" friends who are so self absorbed that they are unable to really understand what true friendship is all about. But that does not mean you should judge everyone who offers thier friendship by that person. To go through life without friends must be a truly lonley place, some where I hope never to be.

I have the same standards for my online friends that I do for my offline friends.

But the online world is very different from the offline world. I can tell in an instant if I like someone after I meet them. I can't do that online. Online, you may meet someone who is horrible but disguises themselves as a good person and you have no way of knowing it. Or on the contrary, a wonderful person may be right under your nose, but you don't know it simply because its harder to get to know people over the internet.

you guys this is so draining and i'm not even really involved.

i'm finally feeling how maybe my friends and family felt when i was depressed and angry and suicidal. i thought they didn't understand and they didn't care. but i think the truth is they really didn't understand. and when i was angry or crying and saying they didn't love me they would say' "kim what do you want us to do? what do you want us to say? please tell us we have no idea"

and when i just vented to them and they just listened that was great but it really didn't help me but when they offered their advice i wouldn't listen because what did they know?

and now i understand. i understand that i can listen but unless i am sigmund freud or god my advice will fall on deaf ears.

i would never expect any of my friends to fly to see me if i needed them and to tell you the truth i wouldn't either. we are all on here because we have problems maybe some worse than other sometimes i don't think i belong because mine are not as bad.

but i come on here everyday because i do have fun and since i never really leave the house this is my connection to the outside world. and i talk to you guys about stuff i don't talk to with anyone else. do i think that coming on here will cure me of my bipolar and depression and social anxiety... no.

i have a friend that i've known since birth and she is bipolar too among other things. sometimes when she needs me i can't be there because at the time i'm having issues and other times when i need her she can't be there but we understand. we are still friends and always will be.

on here you have issues but so do your friends.

and i'll let all my friends on here know up front yes i am selfish. and i HATE talking on the phone. i am a hypocrite all the time (not on purpose just happens that way) and i like talking about my problems... MINE!!! because your problems are really not that important. but i will listen but the whole time i'm listening i will be thinking of my problems. but i will help you get better just so you will be well enough to talk about MY problems!!!!

with that said let the friend deleting begin...

Well as far as online friends being able to disguise themselves as good people while not really being that way(I hesitate to use the word horrible as I reserve that word for people who do truly despicable things such as phyiscaly hurt someone or cheat them out of thier savings are two I can think of right now)I think everyone has run into that in some form with offline friends also as we are all vunerable to wanting to see what we want and need to see.

I have online friends that I have had for months and they live in the US, Ireland and Australia. We may not talk to each other everyday or even every week but I can count on being there when I need to talk and they can count on me for the same. We have helped each other in so many ways, through the death of a loved one, to sickness, to just dealing with the effects of our different illnesses. Three of these friends do not have any "mental disorders" and are in different support enviroments that I belong to also. I try not to let my conditions of my mind control and run my life because if I did they would be winning in destroying me. I try not to use them and the effects of them to to make people feel responsible for my welfare. We are all ultimatly the only ones that can really deal and solve these issues be it through medication or therapy. If you let these issues continously effect every aspect of your life then they have won and you are bound to be disappointed when people around you begin to grow tired of trying to support you but don't see you making a effort to really help yourself.

Friendship is about support and that is why we are here on DS but you cannot make this place and the people you meet here responsible with how you deal with your life and the obstacles that life has presented each of us. There are people here from every walk of life and some that have endured horrible things in thier life and are looking for help and support in working through them and some who are just looking for that continued support of after finding some peace and trying to help others like them to find that also. But you have to be willing to give as much as you take in this life.

Friendship ultimatly involves trust, forgiveness and love and we have to be willing to put ourselves out there if we wish to expierence these benefits even if it means sometimes taking a chance of that friend hurting us.

WOW! I never thought that people based their friendships on what they "needed" That is a very selfish way to view the world! No wonder we live in a very "me" based society....its all about what I need...f*ck what anybody else wants or needs, as long as I get what I want. Never have I thought about my friends in this way. I don't pick my friends in this way. I pick my friends based more on what we have in common...that is, do we "click"....can we just have f*ckin fun together? THEN its about you supporting me and me supporting you. But "needs" are not the foremost priority.

And no, I don't expect anybody to be perfect, yet at the same time, I do expect a certain amount of respect. And that respect includes not crossing WELL ESTABLISHED BOUNDARIES. Yeah Penny, you know what I'm talking about. So go ahead and preach to me about friendship. We both know why our friendship fell apart. You crossed a boundary that I told you not to cross. Not only did you cross it, but you told someone else about it, ganged up on me, and continued to degrade me for it. Now do real friends do that? I think not. So go ahead and sit there on your high horse and preach away about true friendship when you cant practice what you preach.

And yes, I do realize that line about "fair weather friends" was meant to be towards me. And no, I am not self absorbed. I have been telling everyone for weeks now that I am just now dealing with the fact that I was molested when I was 4, but nobody cuts me any slack whatsoever. All I get from anybody is a big "SO FUCKING WHAT?" I'm just supposed to go around acting like normal. Well, I'm sorry but I can't act like I am normal. I can't act normal when I am so paralyzed that I can barely function...can't leave my apartment....have major breakdowns on a daily basis....and people have one by one turned on me because they just don't want to deal with me. They can't deal with anything. I am the type of person who is fucking loyal to the end and if you knew me you would know that about me. So when I am abandoned as I have been by so many people here on DS it cuts like a f*cking knife. And I know I won't be able to recover from that. I am down to so few people who have remained by my side...And you know what? I've dealt with the same scenario in my real life. Less than 3 months ago a similar thing happened in my real life. So don't tell me that I don't know how to be a friend, because I do. I am there 'till the end. It just so happens that I have standards and one of those standards is that my friends need to be there when I need them just as i am there for them when they need me. Sorry if that makes me a b!tch. But you know what? I'm glad all of this happened. It allowed me to see everyone's true colors for what they really are. It weeded out the ass holes from the truly beautiful people. And the beautiful people are those who are left on my friends list right now.

Hrmm, I am not on your friends list..Need to be added :)

As to other people, they can only hurt you as much as you allow. When you are starting to be hurt, you need to move on and away from them. Please, feel free to message me, I think I can be of great assistance to you.

Ok Lintz, i just sent you a friends request! OMG you are like 1/2 an hour away from my hometown! Crazy stuff, huh? Well, I am in St Louis right now for school, but my real home is just outside of Hagerstown.

But you are right, when people start to hurt you, you definitely need to move away from them. I am just tired of putting myself out there only to get hurt over and over again. I am not going to allow certain people to hurt me anymore!

Don't just let certain people not hurt you, don't let ANYONE hurt you.

Ok between you and I, I lied earlier. I do have a friend. His name is bob. He's my teddy bear. And he is ALWAYS loyal lol.