i have something people regard as the most severe and devastating case of shyness ever. it's selective mutism, and i've had to live with it since i was 3. now i'm 16. at school i'm literally scared speechless. i can't talk, my eyes constantly dart around, and i feel scared to death if anyone looks at me. then i walk out to my mom's jeep when she picks me up and it's like a switch flips. i'm perfectly normal, telling mom about my day, anything funny kids did, or anything. back at school the next day, that switch flips again, and i can't talk. just little movements are extremely hard for me at school, like picking up pencils or anything. i can whisper to my brother, who sits across from me, but if someone walks in my field of vision i can't talk. one day i forced myself to talk to my teacher. she had to sit right across from me, though. i strained and strained for a while, becoming exhausted, i would open my mouth and my lips would form the words, but only i could hear the soft whisper. i kept doing that, and finally my voice came a little and awkwardly i said hi to her. it was amazingly hard. if anyone else has similar disorders, i'd love to know i'm not alone.
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