I feel the same as you do.
People say oh you are way too nice and don't get mad at all.
They say it like its a bad thing.
Like its a character flaw I think its good for people to be really nice.
I have to say I just don't understand all the people who really prefer mean people to be there friends.
I wonder if I started being mean if people would just all of a sudden like me. Well I don't think so I think that people would still not like me.
My mother always told me that there is just something not likeable about me. I think this was a terrible thing to say.
I would never say this to a child.
Well there must be something that others seem to like about people that are mean.
I can't figure it out. Theres a girl at work that everyone just loves but she is so bossy and then there is me who is so nice.
I think sometimes I try to be ultra nice to make sure that people like me but it does not work for me.
I could use advice on this.
I hate when people say we are too nice like its a negative thing.
I feel your pain on this one.

Thank you so much. I can't tell you how good it feels to have someone who understands this! People always say that I'm too nice and you would think that's a good thing but it's not! I feel like an outcast all the time. I think sometimes I try to be nice to people so that they like me too, but by now it's sort of ingrained in me to be nice all the time and I just do anyway. I just don't like making people feel bad. I know it's no fun to be embarassed or talked about or anything, so I try my best not to do that to people. But apparently that's not "cool". Ugh, it really stinks. It's like being punished for doing something good, or at least something that seems good? I have no idea

I completely agree 100% hushpuppy
I have been acussed of this all my life like its such a crime.
I used to never say a bad word about anyone all my younger life because I grew up always hearing bad things said about me and knew it was no fun.
I think some people respect this quality in us but its hard to find those people.

Its really crazy if you think about it because if you were mean they would not want to talk to you either.

I know! It just doesnt make sense. I feel like such an outcast, like I can't be open with people because they just won't accept me. I don't know if I should accept this about myself or try to change it. Because it doesn't make me happy but it's very difficult to change, and it doesn't seem like a bad thing. But I feel like I keep feeling less and less confident in myself

Nothing in this world makes sense. It's pure chaos. We're all different. Some of us are 'open'. Some of us are 'closed'. Don't feel abnormal because your differences lie in a smaller group of people than those that don't suffer from this illness. I know how hard it is to fit in, especially, when you already feel like there's something wrong with you and worry that people are going to notice and reject you because "you're not cool enough". I know it all too well. I wasn't like this my whole life. It showed up in my late teens, probably due to drug abuse, thanks to me "trying to be cool". So, being cool isn't always the greatest thing. Don't force yourself to be something you're not. Do what makes you happy and don't dwell on what others are thinking because we're all different and we all think different things. I know being alone and isolated all the time really sucks, but let's all befriend each other and make the most of it. Maybe we can help to build each other's confidence.

Maybe we can enrich each other's lives as well.

Kev2 you are so right we should just be ourselves and not try to change for others.
I feel that when we try to change to please others its a false change and it never feels natural. I have spent most of my life so far trying to change and be something that I am not. Its not a good thing at all by any means.
I wished I would have just a couple of friends in my younger years and then maybe I could have had some support and confidence to make it in the world.
I am doing ok considering everything I am doing better than all my parents and family said I would. I think they are somewhat surprised that I can even have a job and live without their constant help.
Its good that I am doing this good even though its not really good compared to others that are this age its still good for me.
If you had known the way I grew up you would be surprised that I am even walking talking living on my own.
My parents and grandparents were so focused on me having dissabilities and not being able to make it. They never failed to remind me that I would not be as good as everyone else.
Well thanks for reading.

I agree with what your saying about not trying to change for others. But the thing is, it seems like it's just so hard to be myself around other people. It's not that I'm trying to not be myself, I guess I just feel so unsure most of the time. And that's really what the problem is. I'm not happy because I can't be myself most of the time. But is being shy part of who I am? That's the question- for me and a lot of people Im sure

hushpuppy12 I just don't get it sometimes and maybe I never will. I was talking to a guy friend I have who is like me and he does not understand it either. Sometimes we can't see how others who are not nearly as nice as us seem to get all the attention and friends it just does not make sense at all to us.
We are so much nicer and easy to talk to and get along with so you would think we would be able to attract even more friends than they can. I am in my 30s now and am lucky to have a few friends now that I have worked hard all my life to get. I know people who just walk into a place and boom they already have friends and they don't even try hard and they are not very nice to people.
I just don't get it.

too nice? huh? ive been told that too. i had teachers who said crap like that out loud and had some ppl i liked turned against me because of my shyness issue. im like wtf talk about embarrassing now they hate me because of this idiot teacher! ppl have told me im too nice and go out of my way for ppl im like thats bad how?

hello! my name is Megan. I have a friend EXACTLY like this. she is WAY too nice and she comes off as fake. It actually kind of gets a little bit annoying and we're not great friends anymore cuz of it. I'm not saying you are fake AT ALL. You seem like a very sweet girl, but you might be coming off as fake to other people or stuck up because you're quiet. So just be aware of that. Otherwise, I don't think there is ANY reason why being shy and quiet is an issue. Some people just have to deal with it.

lady tiger I am with you 100% on this one too.
I have had that happen to me back when I was in school and boy is it embarrassing.
I hated it and the teachers never really took into consideration about how I felt.
I think they feel that I had no feelings which was totally untrue.
I am still human and have feelings too just like other people even if I am shy.
I really don't think its anything bad but I don't know why people make it seem that way.

I just joined this group and have been reading your posting and you sound alot like me. I know in my case I think its not so much a turn off that im nice but it is hard for me stand up for myself at times. I hate conflict with others. It is just my personality. I think people see this as a weakness and their-fore it effects my self esteem. I know with dating it has been a struggle. If anybody has any ideas on how to approve myself esteem with these issues Id love to hear your comments.

cme135 I am still working on these issues with myself.
I think it sounds like we have a lot of things in common with each other.