I've just decided to join a support group and have found there are so many here at DS that I relate to. It's a comforting thought that I am not alone. I've been shy as long as I can remember and maybe even have a social anxiety thing, I'm not sure. A good example is that: I'm afraid I will not get anywhere here. I have no friends and have never been good at putting forth the effort because I lack the ability to communicate with others the way I feel I should. Or rather, the way I feel others expect me to. I constantly feel I am being judged before I even open my mouth so that when I am prompted for speech I have no idea what to say or how to say it. If I do find the words to respond, such as "yes it is a beautiful day", I can't keep the conversation going because I am so nervous about how I am being perceived. Then I realize I must look uninterested or bored with the conversation and it dies anyway. I cannot get past myself in order to talk to anyone at all comfortably. It is a bold move on my part to actually post a topic and/or respond to someone else's. I say this because I've wanted to but never can get the courage to type it out. I have to think alot about what I say and analyze how it may be taken so as not to offend anyone or come out wrong, or display myself as an idiot. I hope someone will tell me I'm making sense and that I am not the only one who feels this way. I am tired of dealing with this on my own and have been trying (unsuccessfully) to force myself to think differently so that I may actually be able to make a friend.
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