I haven't had a breakdown like this since I was 19 years old. It started today at work when I was trying to get up the nerve to ask out this guy I like. I've asked him out before (sort of; our friend asked him if he'd be interested in going out with me and he said yes, then I had to ask), we even had a date last Saturday when he went with me to my cousin's wedding. But somehow asking him to a movie or dinner is much more intimidating to me than asking him to a wedding. Maybe it's the one-on-one thing as opposed to the large crowd at the wedding (he knows my sister and it turned out he had family there too). Although we did spend most of the evening talking to one another. Maybe I'm afraid because I fear him saying no or that he's just not at all interested in me. When it comes to asking guys out, I'm very very very shy. And awkward. And I know he won't ask me out because he told me himself that he's incredibly shy. Aren't we just a perfect match??

So I got home from work today and started replaying the whole day in my head. I had perfect opportunities to ask him out but I just couldn't do it; I couldn't get over my shyness. Then I started tearing up and finally I just completely broke down. I don't want to end up old and alone, living in some smelly apartment with my birds. And I feel like that's how I'm going to end up because of my shyness. I just can't get past it. I have no problems whatsover talking to him (or any other guy), but when it comes to me wanting to ask him out, I just freeze; I get nervous and shy and I stutter and turn all red. Part of me even contemplated suicide this afternoon just so I'd be out of my misery. Will this ever end???