ok, here goes. This is someone I have a lot to say too, someone I'm real pissed off at!

Dear Seb,
When I first met you I thought you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, all the girls in my school fancied you, I was always so arkward and I was amazed you paid me any attention.
So how was it that this passionate young relationship turned into something so disturbing so quickly? The older I get the sicker I feel, everything we talked about, right from our first date was you manipulating me. You loved the fact that I was a self harmer, you loved it that I was in a weak place, no matter how much you put me down about it. The more ill I became the more dependent I became on you. When you started spiking my drink and raping me, I thought nothing of it. I was so convinced you were all I had, were the only person in the whole world who cared about me. Thats bullshit, you must have known you were lying, there is no way anyone could just 'walk into' this kind of situation where your girl puts up with anything you do. We had such an awesome sex life, I loved having sex with you, I loved you so so much I couldn't go a week without seeing you ( we did it once remember how hard that was? We spnt about a million pounds in phone calls and I used to sneak into your flat to smell your clothes!) I couldn't understand and I still can't, why you didn't want me to be involved in this new kind of sex, this unconcious, drugged asleep sex. You didn't want me to be a part of it, you just wanted to use my body without my knowledge or consent. How the fuck did you get any kinds of kick or thrill out of that? Its disgusting and sick, when I think of myself in that situation I feel SO ashamed, and I have to live with that forever. You were old enough to know what you were doing. You can call me a slut all you want, you know how naeive I was and I just assumed you wouldn't know about all that stuff....all that "man rapes sleeping drunk girl" stuff on the internet, but I bet you did. Hell I bet you even filmed it. It makes me feel sick to my stomach that your new girlfriend probably has no idea about all of this, or maybe she has, maybe you do it to her all the time. That just makes me feel worse. When I watch tv and see profiles of serial rapists and killers they all have the same sexual background as you. I wonder how you'll turn out, I dread to think of all the things your capable of and all the people you will hurt in your life. I think your disgusting. I don't know why, when I bump into you your always the one who ignores me, tells all your friends that I'm your crazy ex girlfriend who they shouldn't talk to. I hate you so much.
katy.

whoah that was long! that was the longest post I ever made! phew!

wow! that really is inspirational. I know that may sound wierd but it was so from the heart.

I am still working on mine and will post soon. did you find writing about this helpful in anyway?

wow...so brave!..but i bet if feels nice to have that off your shoulders

You had better pray i never remember you what you look like.

I just did this, per the advice of my therapist. I'll spare you all, since it's two pages and single spaced but I was surprised how easy it was to write. I expected the normal log jam of thoughts that I usually deal with but since I was "speaking" directly to him ... it was easy. It was a helpful exercise and I would recommend it.

haha i wouldnt do it if my life depended on it. I see my abusers frequently, i see them for certain reasons, and if i did that i no those reasons would be ripped to shreds. sorry cant, mey keep me damaged for life but my reasons are more important then that

YOU,
Why? Why did you hurt so many people? What all did you do to me and for how long? There are so many things I can't remember but are lurking in the back of my mind... so much pain and sadness. What were the words you threatened me with to keep me silent for so many years? At night, I wake up in terror having dreams which I don't understand. As my memories slowly resurface, and I fully realize the horror you put me through, the more I hope you die a slow and painful death. I will never ever forgive you. Not for as long as I live. Somewhere deep down I could forgive what you did to me, but never could I forgive what you did to my family. You make me sick. Whenever I hear your name, I want to vomit. How can a person be so sick they'd want to molest a three year old? If you ever come near me (or my relatives) or call me on the phone I will kill you. First, I'll cut off your dick and balls, and then, I'll kill you. You deserve death. No... you deserve hell. You don't have power over me anymore. I am stronger than you. You are getting old, Grandfather, and when you die, I'm going to come and dance on your grave and laugh. That will be a good day. It's a shame you'll have to miss it.

Nikki

P.S. I hate you!!!

well said!

heh...i feel i kind of copped out on mine
all i have is anger sometimes and i don't want to write a huge letter of hate and curses for everyone else here to read.
but now i see how angry everyone is and feel so much better!
thank you!

I just did that last yr. and I wont post it cause it was very long. It was my older cousin and I told him alot of things I've been feeling for yrs. and it felt great!! I'm glad I did it.

You know what I did find this helpfull, the thing that was so upsetting about my breakup was that it was so sudden, he just decided it was over and literally kicked me out of his house, I have never spoken to him since. He has no idea what I'm doing with my life or how I feel about this. I don't know what to say about my child abuse though, I still feel far too confused about that to write anything.

What did I ever do that made you hate me so much???
I was only a child and didnt understand it when you said you loved me and then hurt me so badly. When I asked you not to hurt me you said that I was being silly, pardon me for not wanting to be raped at the age of 9. You were my daddy, all little girls are supposed to love their daddies but you hurt me.
I have flashbacks about when I was little and you abused me. I may be 32 now but the emotional pain is as raw as it was when it happened. Before you die, please tell me you are sorry. May seem like a little word but,boy, would it have a massive impact.

Dad u fuckin bastered I fuckin hate u, U took my life, mt innocence from me, and my life will nevr be the same U are a sick person, Who inthere right mind would raped there child. You know I've tried to kill myself cuz of this. U make not trust men. I have nightmare, and flash backs from this shit.The thingd u did r thing I hate. I hate having sex with men, and I cut my vagina cuz of u u have fucked up my life

John,
for a starters im actually quite discusted at how you could do that to your step-sister, and though i know you were abused as a child, surely at 15 you knew it was wrong. you took the best parts of my childhood and turned them sour, i now have blocked out everything in those 6 years as a lot of it revolved around what you did to me.
if i had it in me you would be in prison right now, but until i feel strong enough to go to the police i hope you sit anxious as to what happened to you. i also hope that you have realised what happened and its eating away at you, guilty as ever.
i hope for their sakes you never have children, and if you ever do get prosecuted i will make damn sure this never happens!
i hope you realise how much trauma you have caused me, thanks to you i no longer trust anyone, and i am depressed, and have attempted suicide 3 times.
what you did will haunt me for the rest of my life.
if i have anything to do with it, you will never see your half brother (my half brother also), as i would fear you would harm him.



then i dunno what i would say.
but damn doing that has actually relaxed me. thankyou for this thread, that was helpful!
:)