your the same as me
we are so aalike its scary
its like i wrote that

your not alone im the same

Yan X

I'm exactly the same. I get it from everyone about why I dont have a partner although apparently I'm 'too fussy'!! Yeah right. Anyway want you to know your not the only one who feels like this. I hope we recover but not sure yet

i get that all the time, people asking me why i dont have a partner. i just say im too busy with volleyball or that i dont like anyone. just wanted to let you know that your not alone

I think we do just learn to cope. I dont think we can ever get past it but try and base our lives around it. Every part of our beigns are effected when this hideous crime occurs to us. U guess I just keep hoping that one day Ill be able to have some happiness in my life

tyzz

Recovery is a process that takes time and effort. We move on day by day. Be patient with yourself, you will be able to move on as you face your past and allow yourself to heal. It is painful, but it is worth the process. There are many of us that can "get" you, as we have all had our past abuses here. It is a taboo subject in our culture, but is so prevelant. I am so sorry about the loss of your friend.
Building a life hiding our past will only work for so long, my past was buried for 20 years, now I'm dealing with it.
Gentle healing, and I am sorry for your pain.

Maybe you should at least consider opening up to someone, like your mother, especially since your confidante recently died. It might help. Also, I do believe recovery is possible. The most important thing for me, was to forgive myself.

Its been 17 Yrs for me. Time has helped the healing process. I never forget it I just dont dwell on it everyday like I use to. I agree forgiving yourself is part of the healing process. You were the victim it was not your fault no matter what situation you were in.
It will take time to rebuild your trust into having a partner. Many of us here "Got" you so you can lean on us
Sorry about your loss

I struggled so hard with this issue. People would say "you should choose to move forward" and "you are identifying yourself as a victim". I hate those statements. Now I realize that people who make them either haven't really confronted their own abuse or haven't been abused.

My wonderful, wise therapist (finally I found one!) said to me:

The past lives inside of us. We don't live in the past.

That statement has lifted some of my self-blame. It's not my fault I'm still in pain.

I think of this much like I think of the death of my sister..

When my sister died (much too young), she was my mother figure. I greived, and no one told me to get over it. I still miss her to this day (14 years later). But the hurt does not hurt as bad.. I did not try to wake up one day and be over it. The pain has dulled over time, but there will not be a Christmas that I don't miss her and cry for her to be there!

With abuse, we have to get the "get over it" mentality out of our heads. We must morn for our innocence. Then as time goes on, learn to cope, so our pain begins to dull so that it is managable.

I think we will recover in the sense that adicts recover. We have to make a decision everyday to not be a victim and not slip back into destructive behaviors. I think that first we have to be able to stand up and say "My name is ____ and I am a sexual abuse survivor" to crush the shame and secrecy that so many of us feel. (I, myself, am no where near able to do that!)