
Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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when i was 18 i was raped, i didnt tell anyone untill a few years later, the person i told died shortly after i confided in him. i got married 10 years ago and my ex husband would rape me and be really horrible on a regular basis. i didnt think he would do anything to my daughter, but little did i no that whilst i was in hospital after my son died i discovered that he had been abusing my little girl who at the time was only 3. i have never had counceling for any of this, instead i have tried blocking it out by hiding it in a box inside. but for some reason it all seems to be flying out. im struggling big time. i have recently split from my youngests dad, who was also abusive but not sexually. i have recently found out that my youngest (2) has cp and sensory probs, my eldest (8) is having counceling in school. i cant cope with any of this and dont want to go back on happy pills. i dont no what to do anymore
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I have never been to councelling except once at shcool when i was forced to as they thought i was having problems. I knew a few other people who had been to see the councellor and had got worse since.
I guess our councellor was just shit! lol.
Perhaps you should look into some self help books, i find those do help because it is non intrusive and teaches you to guide your own emotional healing. You will need to discuss this wih your kids and perhaps you can all decide to stay strong as a family and look after eachother.
Things will be hard, but they will get better!
All the best
x
im sorry for whats happened to you and your child.
It is hard to speak out about abuse at first but it does become easier. I first told an anonymous phoneline. Even this was hard because I was speaking out loud about the abuse. later I told my partner and then my family. I had therapy but couldnt tell the whole story but later I could. Many years have passed and I have since told many therapists and it is so easy for me now to speak about it. It was such a relief to tell my secret and to have support and non-judgement from people. Not all have been supportive but all the therapists have been and my family are.
You say you have been in two abusive relationships since the abuse. I think its really important for you to avoid relationships until you work on your issues. it is common for survivors to be revictimised, to think they dont deserve respect. You need to break this pattern and build up your self-esteem. If not for yourself then do it for your children. They deserve a stable home environment. Its not good for them to see their mum being abused. You are their role model.
I was also in destructive relationships and have been single for a while. I am not going to get in to another relationship until Ive done some serious personal growth and work because I know that the past will repeat.
You need to take time out to heal and to help you daughter heal.
You have had a lot of trauma in your life and Im worried this could lead to a break down if something doesnt change.
Everyone has alot of strength. You have survived terrible abuse and tragedy so whenever you feel despair trust that you have the strength to make it through.
I agree with random that self-help books are a good way to start. The Courage to heal is a great book for survivors.
Try to minimise stress in your life and be as positive as you can.
all the best
well, the body is like a sponge. it stores EVERYTHING - all our experiences and memories (good and bad). sometimes we are able to "tilt" that sponge and let more water collect over here, and not so much there... we are able to block certain parts of our life out, and focus just a little more on other areas. but you know what sponges are like.
at some point, that sponge is not going to be able to absorb ANY more water, no matter how much you twist and turn it. it's going to become water logged and start to drip... then leak. at this point, (and you can either look at this as unfortunately OR fortunately), there is only one option left, which is to squeeze all the water out, so you can "dry" out. you will HAVE to work through your issues, and deal with your past. sure, you might be able to squeeze a little water out, and then sit back and let the sponge absorb for a while, but eventually, you're going to burn out doing that.
as was mentioned in the above comments, you really need to start therapy, preferably with a therapist, but if not, then there are a lot of self-help books available for pretty much ALL aspects of PTSD. i for one, think books can only do so much for you. that's how i started out on my Healing Journey, but i got so frustrated because the books raised so many questions, that i NEEDED to speak to a live therapist. but books might work for you. as was also mentioned above, if not for yourself, PLEASE get some help for your children. stop the cycle of abuse and re-victimization. it will be hard, and at sometimes seem impossible, but YOU CAN DO IT. you will find a lot of strength, and PRACTICAL support here on DS. someone, somewhere has been through very similar situations as yourself, and it's nice when they step forward to help.
Brash, please don't minimize your braveness. yes, i said YOUR BRAVENESS. it takes a lot of bravery to read others' Stories. so kudos, to you for doing that. not everyone is able to tell their Story right away, but it DOES get easier with practice. that's true about most things. just take your time. you'll know when the time is right. in the meantime, build up a strong support system, so that you have that to hold you up, when you ARE ready to talk. hugs to you, my friend.
i wish the best for everyone. hit me up on email, if you want to talk more. i am here for all of you.
xxoo
I know that counseling is not for all, but for myself, it has been of great value. I always urge counseling first, because it really does help to have a trained professional, one that is a good "fit", to help guide you through the painful emotions, the guilt and the self blame that we are all very much given to have about ourselves and our circumstances. Even if counseling is not your "shtick", being here on DS and talking with other survivors is immensely helpful.
I also suggest books that will help you to understand what you are going through, and two of the very best that have helped me more than I can say is The Courage to Heal, by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis, and a book called Resurrection After Rape, by Matt Atkinson, LCSW. Both have valuable information and help you to find ways to deal with what you are going through, and together with DS, let you know that you are not alone! Abuse happens in silence and secrecy. It is healed in community and through breaking the silence.
I wish for the very best for you. When you stop denying and admit that this has been and is a problem in your life, then you are already on the road to recovery. There are many here that walk that same road with you and all are more than willing to lend a hand to get you through it! I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, as I have just been through a very dark point in my life and some of the friends I have met here have helped me through, thanks God! You will find the same sort of invaluable support here that I have, I am sure.
Many blessings on both you and your children. As you heal, they heal with you, as is fitting. A healthy mother means healthier children! The more you deal with your past, the better you will be able to help your children get through the past as well.
When I found out that my 3 y.o. daughter was being molested by a nieghbor, while my son played video games in the front room of that nieghbors house, it broke my heart. I thought with all the knowledge I had, and my experiences, I could protect her. I could not. There are monsters everywhere, and maybe it's just time to focus on being a mom.
Be there for them in whatever capacity you can, take baby steps, and above all, age-appropriate honesty. But, remember: NO one gets better without mom taking care of herself.
Best of luck in your journey.