
Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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It is extremely common for a sexual abuse victim to believe that the abuse was their fault. Justifications for this may be:
1. If only I hadn't worn that outfit
2. Maybe if I wasn't so pretty
3. If I had behaved better as a child this wouldn't have happened
Sexual abusers manipulate the minds of their victims but remember....abusers have sick and twisted minds to begin with.
Look at it this way (for those who were abused as a young child (I'm using the age of 8yrs old as an average age here):
Consent: how does an 8yr old understand what consent is and what it's for? In order to give consent you must first have a reasonable knowledge and understanding of what's about to take place and also any and all risks/consequences that may result.
Illegal: How does an 8yr old understand what illegal means. yes you can tell them that if you do something that's against the law it's defined as being illegal....but what does that word mean in an 8yr olds mind.
Trust: Children tend to trust adults more than adults trust adults. They look up to adults for guidance, as authority figures and that they know what's best. If an adult tells a child something, the child will trust most of the time that what they are being told is truth. How is an 8yr old able to determine whether the information that they are being told is truth unless they have been told the contrary.
When you look at it now from this perspective....do you STILL believe that it was your fault? As a child you were never in any position to be able to make an informed and legal decision now were you.
Do NOT take blame when it was not yours to begin with. That blame/shame and fault belongs to the abuser so give it back where it belongs.
1. If only I hadn't worn that outfit
2. Maybe if I wasn't so pretty
3. If I had behaved better as a child this wouldn't have happened
Sexual abusers manipulate the minds of their victims but remember....abusers have sick and twisted minds to begin with.
Look at it this way (for those who were abused as a young child (I'm using the age of 8yrs old as an average age here):
Consent: how does an 8yr old understand what consent is and what it's for? In order to give consent you must first have a reasonable knowledge and understanding of what's about to take place and also any and all risks/consequences that may result.
Illegal: How does an 8yr old understand what illegal means. yes you can tell them that if you do something that's against the law it's defined as being illegal....but what does that word mean in an 8yr olds mind.
Trust: Children tend to trust adults more than adults trust adults. They look up to adults for guidance, as authority figures and that they know what's best. If an adult tells a child something, the child will trust most of the time that what they are being told is truth. How is an 8yr old able to determine whether the information that they are being told is truth unless they have been told the contrary.
When you look at it now from this perspective....do you STILL believe that it was your fault? As a child you were never in any position to be able to make an informed and legal decision now were you.
Do NOT take blame when it was not yours to begin with. That blame/shame and fault belongs to the abuser so give it back where it belongs.
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I consider myself to be very blessed to feel this way... maybe if I had been raped going down the street in a miniskirt I would have felt like I deserved it.... even though I don't care if you are walking down the street butt naked NO means NO
Awesome post, mel.
It is hard I know, but you must try to look at what you can do NOW and in the FUTURE with your life....a better quality of life.
Before we confirm that you could have gotten out - maybe we should know the facts.