Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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What to do this late?

deleted_user
deleted_user
When I was 15 I finally got the strength to call the cops on my own dad for abusing me both sexually and physically for almost all of my childhood. When I told I was yanked into foster care so quick. Home after home I never really knew what had happen to my dad. Its been 9 years and I finally looked up what my dad's sentence was. He pled guilty so they lowered his charge to criminal conduct with a minor under 16. Time served.(he waited in detention center 1 1/2 yrs. for court). He was released the same day as court and was not required to sign up for sex offenders list. To me this is rediculous. 10 years of abuse to me and he gets time served. My time served was 10 years of him raping or beating me every day. My 10 years to his 1 1/2. Does anyone know if there is anything else I can do to get some justice.
deleted_user
deleted_user
the best thing you can do is commit to letting yourself heal. Abusers hate that. There is nothing you can do to get justice other than not letting the abuse control the rest of your life. To do that you need to give yourself permission to heal.

Easier said than done but the truth. The longer you look for justice the more he affects you and has a hold on you.

take care
deleted_user
deleted_user
i know its not much hun but at least you got the truth out which is more than most of us get . You had years taken away but all you can do is make the rest of your life better. Try and find things to take your mind off it cos there is nothing else that the courts will do. You holding your life back this is what he wants, show him that even though he hurt you and pulled your world apart that you are stronger, you have put it back together and have made something off your life. i know easier said than done but u will feel better for itx
deleted_user
deleted_user
That man is a peice of shit. He may be your father biologically but you are nothing like him. congratulations on being so brave I am so proud of you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
unfortunately the corts have the final say it sucks i dont think theres more you can do except theres a place in the courts where they pay victoms of crime look into it from the atturney generals office.i did and got 5000.00
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh I feel you so much that it makes me scream.. My brother had 3 if its the truth that is, and honestly I do not know what the truth is, but he never went to prision for molesting family members.. No one spoke up but 1 person.. To me thats sad and very hard to deal with..

But I am proud that you did speak up. I wish you the best..
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would look into what Tarzandan said if you feel you need further justice to move on. I hate that the laws were so lenient on your father, I hope that they have become stricter so that if he acts again maybe he will get a tougher sentance. ((hugs))
deleted_user
deleted_user
yeah. i dont understand how they decide how much time to give a person. it really sucks a lot of the time because it seems almost like a slap in the face--like the courts are telling you, "it really wasnt that bad." But it WAS that bad. I dont understand how they choose sentences; but, for the most part, they are pretty lenient when it comes to sexual abuse--at least that is what I have noticed.

I would agree with everyone though as they have been saying that the best thing to do is just to forget him and work on healing yourself. There is really not much more you can do if a sentence has been passed.

...he really should be registered though. . . any lawyers on here who can comment?
deleted_user
deleted_user
was this your birth father????same thing happened to me but i forgot...how can a little girl sit across from her dad at the dinner table without blocking it out. remembered 2 years ago.......
deleted_user
deleted_user
unfortunately nothing can be done. That would be double jeporady. I agree with a previous post on letting it go. It sounds a hell of alot easier than it is, I know this from experience, but you can do it. That is the only way to not let it hurt you anymore. It was not your fault, you deserve to live life healthy and you are very brave for going to the cops in the first place. You are strong and can get past this crap! Hang in there!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you everyone. Between dealing with this and my divorce my nerves have been shot. It helps to know Im not the only one out there. I cant find anything at the attorney generals office. So I guess it's time to just accept there's nothing more I can do, but good news. I heard God got him. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer. So I will get my Justice by knowing he will suffer. Thanks again everyone!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
that is some story. I have to agree with justanother as he replied to you in post #1.

I accomplished way more then I ever imagined I had strength to...and that my friend is the best of revenge as our abusers remane stagnant and stale.
jeanette474
jeanette474
Good for you. You told on him. It really sucks that these perps get away with murder. I use the word murder because being sexually abused is a murder of the soul. My revenge a few years ago was to bring a suit against the foster care system in NJ, for all the pain and suffering I went thru putting me in that foster home. I did not go thru with it, but it sure felt good to think about getting a settlement.
Sorry you father has cancer, but you know what, what goes around comes around. I think you could be creative in maybe telling your story to your local paper. Don't have to use your name.

I write poems and have written a lot of poems and shared them at the Sexual Assault center so the public knew of my story. All these things have helped me to have a voice about my abuse.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its horrible isnt it? The guy who abused me all of my childhood didnt get anything I went to the police when i had the courage at 21 and they didnt do anything and then he died last year and people were like "i bet you happy hes dead" i was like well no as he didnt get what he deserved alls i hope is that hes rotting in hell... But life goes on and you shouldent let him rule the rest of your life as he already has get justice by living your life!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree that the biggest justice is a good life. You need to God get His revenge on your dad. I'm more concerned about you. Focus on healing and eventually letting go of the past and forgiving him for you so that you're not a prisoner to him and his sickness forever. Are you in therapy or have you had therapy or read, "The Courage to Heal?"
deleted_user
deleted_user
Honey, the only one that can give you that answer is an attorney. My attacker got off free because I was in shock. I didn't call the police and my fiance and I kicked him out. It was his word against mine. I know there is nothing more I can do but you need to get your questions answered. Good luck honey.
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