Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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deleted_user 10/27/2007

My uncle manipulated me and took advantage of me from the time I was 4 until around age of 12. The thing is, I do not remember most of the abuse. I told him to stop, and he always said "just a little bit longer".... he bribed me with his model cars because he knew I liked him. I think he fingered around on me more than intercourse, but like I said i really do not remember much yet. New memeories surface every day though and I do not know if I should believe them, or just think it is part of my imagination.

Was this really abuse?

I mean, if so why did I not scream or tell somebody,... Did I myself maybe enjoy some aspects of it?

I for the life of me cannot allow myself to get mad at this person even though it was effected almost ever detail of my life. I have trust issues, I hate sex (most of the time)up until recently I didn't think it was possible to love a guy... my parenting is even effected.

deleted_user 10/27/2007

HI

I was taught that at certain ages the brain is incapable of such complex decissions. Don't balme yourself, YOU were a child and children can't think outside the box.

LindaJean 10/27/2007

The closeness created through sexual abuse feels warm and cozy to kids. At the same time we know something is wrong/bad. A child cannot reconcile these two emotions - because they cannot be reconciled and the confusion, self-doubt and resulting fear is a given. Abusers use that confusion to their own ends. Believing your memories is necessary to allow the healing to begin - so please believe them. And yes - it was absolutely abuse.

deleted_user 10/27/2007

You're not imagining things. If you have flashbacks and memories of abuse, then it happened. You're not going to come up with that later on down the road if it was real. Some people also just block it out. It happens, but they don't let their brain process that it's happening, it's like they go to their "happy place". Myself, I remember everything like it was yesterday because I didn't know how to go to a "happy place" and, in fact, I still don't have one. When I get angry my boyfriend tells me to go there, but I just don't have one. As for the screaming or telling, honey I didn't tell anyone until I was 16 and everything happened from the time I was 5 until I was about 11 or 12. I hope I've helped answer your questions and don't blame yourself because it wasn't your fault. Like I said, you didn't process that information. I agree with LindaJean, the closeness is, in a way, comforting, as sick as it sounds. But I think we all felt that way at the time, at least I did and some others that I know of. To heal from this, you need to believe. Don't doubt yourself or your memories, you wouldn't get them if it didn't happen. So I suggest going to counseling and getting the rest to surface while at the same time healing from them. Good luck and stay strong. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you.

deleted_user 10/27/2007

I'm sorry I just read back over my comment and I meant to say that you're not going to come up with it later on if it WASN'T real. I just had to clarify that so you didn't get discouraged.

deleted_user 10/27/2007

It is easy to understand why you didn't scream or tell somebody.You were a kid with a relative you loved and trusted. I mean, you might have even thought that this was normal and what all kids did with their uncles. You had no way of knowing otherwise. With my abuse, I fought back at first, then eventually I was just so terrified I waited until it was over. It is ok. The main thing is not to feel guilty. I severely doubt that you are imagining this. Those are pretty graphic memories and also your issues with trust, sex, and love all are classic signs of abuse. You are not alone. Best wishes.

deleted_user 10/30/2007

At any point in time, you do the best thing you can.
you were a child, you did what you thought will be good for you. Can't blame a kid for wanting model car.
I think reading what you wrote was suprising, you are not angry. I think it is good, I think you are in a better place. In most people it triggers an anger and poison starts spreading in their body/ mind.
So it doens't matter if you like it, or why you didn't scream, move on, concentrate on healing! you are not a kid anymore, let the little kid go and make choices of a grown up based on it.
Go see someone!

hugs
watch this, this is me sending you a real hug
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J25jTpshJ8I

Ronit

deleted_user 10/30/2007

I remember when i was in group counseling. I was there for a different reason than the abuse or so i had thougt.

At one point the counselor really pressed me and the group as well. They all knew i was holding back some deep dark secret.

Well one session i blurred out my story and then waited to be thrown from the group as a nut case or freak or something.

I was 24 at the time. While waiting for the on slot of critism I was nearly passing out.

There was a very long pause. and the first voice i had heard was from a women of mothers age at the time. She simple said> Richard, honey, it was not your fault, you were just a kid. I had never seen this side of it. That was my turning point for the abuse healing. It was an amazing comment to me at the time. Nothing less than profound in my opinion.

you are not to blame. you too were just a kid. It really happened and it is your time to heal.

take care and good luck

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