For me it was finnally realizing that a lot of damage was done to me. and whether i liked it or not it has affected my whole life and every thing in it. I could no longer cover up or hide or ignore or put a false face on anymore to protect myself. It was time to confront myself.

This to me was a defining moment a few years back. I new I had ACCEPTED what had happen and a lot of damage was done to me.

This happened when I was standing over the grave of my abuser while i was saying a prayer for him.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was just apsolute accetance of what had happened. I believe that was my first real step in reconvery. It was a real milistone. My path became clear. I was ready to heal.

1) the day i told my mom

2) the day i started getting help, because i decided that i didn't want to be trapped anymore and acknowledged that there was something i could do about it

3) the day i was able to see myself as a survivor, not a helpless victim

4) the day that i realized that, even though i'm not ready to do it yet, i want to be able to forgive the man who abused me

5) the first time i let a guy hold me and didn't have a panic attack

6) this past week, when i finally accepted that IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!!!



i look forward to:

1) not being afraid of the dark anymore

2) the day i can forgive the man who abused me

3) being able to be comfortable with who i am as a woman

1) Realizing that I am a strong person for making it this far and not completely self destructing.
2) Learning to trust a man (my boyfriend)
3) Finally hearing my mother admit she handled things wrong when I told her about the abuse.
4) Finally understanding a lot of my idiosyncrasies and habits etc that had developed as a result of the abuse
5) Finally enjoying sexual activity!
6) When I made the conscious decision to NOT be a depressive disaster and to finally start to put my life back together and heal.

I'm still working on:
1) Really opening up about it to my boyfriend
2) Remembering everything that happened - I think it will give me some sense of closure
3) I'm debating sending a letter to my abuser letting him know the damage he did. Not sure about that one yet, it might be really cathartic
4) Not having nightmares anymore

I know that we all have come a long way whether or not we realize it!

oh yeah, i stopped having nightmares this summer when i started getting counseling! booyah!!! :)

Right smack where I'm at right now. Coming into my own FINALLY. Sad to say it took too many years of misdiagnosis, but the good news for the younger generations is that they (you) will and are getting the help MUCH sooner and will recover at a much younger age. And yep, you WILL recover. I know for a ton of you that sounds like a load of crap and believe I WAS there but guess what, when my therapist(s) were telling me there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I was saying you are full of shit...I found out they were right. I sit here today feeling almost whole, pretty much human and if you dare read my journal (I have a potty mouth and am quite brash, so you've been warned) you will see a HUGE change in how I feel. THAT is the positive. It boiled down to Patience, Therapy, Right Doctor, Right Diagnosis (IF applicable), Right Med (IF applicable), Fight of Your Life, Patience, Patience, Patience, AND Willingness to See it to the End. It's not easy but it's a battle you will win...take it from the most cynical, jaded, non-believer, biggest doubter you may ever know....you will win this damn fight...so fight it.

These are going to sound really weird and like no big deal, but they were.

I am not longer super triggered when I hear the word "Prague"

I do not have a lot of nightmares lately

The "normal" stuff that happened doesn't bother me as much any more

I will walk across campus at night, even though I am super scared.

I can go into the basement if I have to and no longer make such a huge "U" when I walk around the basement door

That's all I can think of.

* hat I won't self abuse anynmore
* Making sure my kids are never around my abusers and that nothing will go bump in the night for them

Having my babies healed me so much. I had three boys, and I think there was a divine purpose in that! No girls to worry about. I remember giving birth as the first time I didn't feel horrified about being a sexual being, because the end result was such a blessing.

I'm not afraid of the dark anymore, and I've finally become able to enjoy sex. I think we all appreciate a lot of things more than other people, like healthy relationships and whatnot.

i see some strength in myself that i never knew was there.

i feel like maybe i can stand on my own feet and do good things for myself.

i see that i deserve better.

i see how the abuse is affecting my life in ways i never knew possible....and i do have the power to change that

i'm not ready to really think about my past still, but i have noticed SO much good from DS in just a few short weeks....i'm amazed

i now have HOPE

Bump this up....we need positive in this forum.

thank you every one

As Im in and going through all this therapy im noticing a change in how I act towards others. For example especially my kids, how I handle situation, im even more in tune to their feelings. I somtimes say things witout even realizing like where did I even leaer that/ It had to be tharapy. Just the fact that i was abuse makes me more in tune to my kids, and their needs. What are they trying to tell me? Sometimes I maybe paranoid, like I wont allow sleepovers with friends, but thats just me. Im a protective mom.

thank you everyone