yeah I made the same mistake...and honestly I haven't delt with it yet. Other than to think that i wish I hadn't done it, hope you get the answers you are looking for though.

i didn't really take much care with my first either...i usually don't even remember him. it just doesn't stick as anything of consequence... but it was also uneventful. nothing bad happened at all....we just had some fun.
the last time was a big issue for me though... =/ i haven't been near a guy since. i think i have a problem,...and i do it too often, so i'm glad that i don't right now. but i've been handling it by getting really hostile with any guy that seems interested in me =[ not a good way to make friends. kinda praying-mantas style er summin,....i dunno

Yea, I feel ya Kat, it was the same 4 me 2. I didnt feel a thing 4 her, jus wanted ta get rid of it, now I wish I hadnt, it's gotta be worth more, HELL! we're worth more.

I did that too. I walked around claiming I was still a virgin after that. And you can only imagine the talk. Now, I just think that I am me. And the love of my life, whom I am with now, wasn't a virgin when I met him either. So he made the same mistake, and it doesn't matter anymore.

I haven't yet had my first consensual time... I don't know if I can... after what has happened to me. Sometimes I wonder how anyone could go and do that after such abuse, but I know everyone is different and some can handle it and others cannot. I am one that cannot. I don't think....

I'm in the same situation, BlackWing, and I think your reply is the first that I've seen that is closely related to mine. I constantly want that with my boyfriend, but my situation makes things difficult. It's holding me back from the rest of my life. It's hard to even imagine anyone at my age maintaining a long term relationship without that. There's a part of me that wishes that I had gotten my first time over with a long time ago. :(

yeah, sometimes I wish I could just be normal and be able to do it.... I mean, everyone tells me I should have done it long ago, but I can't. The other day a guy said he thought I was hot and it freaked me out... because the last person to say that to me apart from an online friend was my Uncle who used to say it while nibbling my ear etc. I just cannot handle it very well. I was deeply flattered but also felt a bit sick. I wish I could just get over all this and be normal.

i think the first time that is your choice that you dont really think that much about it, you just do it to get it over with....weird i know....my first consentual sex was with a guy i didn't have anything special going with but it did help me to get past that initial fear i had. dont feel bad about it we all do things we later regret but it was your choice and that make all the difference.