Atleast you can admit it to your family, I'm scared to because not only was it from one of my cuzns but from a family friends son. I'm afraid my mother would freak and try to something crazy. But I want to say that I really respect you for coming forward with it, It took me a long time to accept it myself.

I was molested and sexually assaulted by a cousin. I, to this day, have not told anyone in my family. Eventually, maybe I will ... but right now I'm just not ready.

That said, if you're ready (and you want to) then you should tell your parents.

I wonder if your brother continues to offend or if his acts started and ended with you?

As for my cousin, his acts continued with other little girls and he eventually went to prison.

That's the only reason I feel badly for not telling, since he hurt others.

If you tell, it's up to you. I'd suggest you do it for the right reasons, mainly to make YOU feel better and help with your healing. If you're simply looking for revenge (because his life is good and yours isn't) then you might not get the pay-off that you're looking for. Just a thought.

You were the victim, so do what's best for you.

Good luck. I wish you peace.

I don't want to do it for any kind of revenge... I'm just trying to figure out any way to make myself feel better... I've been chronically depressed b/c of this for years :( I'm scared to say anything b/c I know my parents will think there was something they could've done to stop it, or they will hate my brother and it will tear my family apart. It almost seems like it would be easier for me to just keep it to myself to maintain other peoples' lives... but in the meantime, I feel like mine is falling apart.

Hello Scattered,

I was molested by my father and I dont believe I would have told anyone. But he also did it to one of my friends and ended up being busted by them. He went to prison for this.

Now that I am older I feel much better talking about it. And because of what happened most of my family know. It is much better to get it off your chest, because yes it is quite depressing, but its hard to recover when it keeps going through your head and you cant speak to anyone about it.

The only thing is that my mum is upset it happened, for me. And that she didnt know it was going on. But now that we can talk about it (only over last 2 years), i think she feels reassured that it wasnt HER fault either. That we are both the victims.

All I can say is do what you think is best. But trust me it makes things easier if you can talk about them and they can come to understand why you act certain ways and can be fragile.

Good luck,
Stefanie

The first person I told was my aunt. She believed me kind of... She believed me but found it so hard to accept that my father had done this. She just had to sort of try the idea on a few times before she really started to be supportive. She went and told my mother, who was incredibly hurt, disappointed and angry that I hadn't gone to her first. Not disappointed hurt and angry that I had been abused by my father mind you, but that I had gone to my aunt first. My mother became more verbally abusive toward me after that and I told her if she continued talking to me that way I would no longer be able to have a relationship with her. She screamed at me that I was so fucking selfish, so I told her I'd like you to leave now. That led to two years of silence, which she probably still resents me for because I had a new baby, but I did the right thing. Now she believes me and can talk about it with me respectfully.

I know this sounds like a huge horror story and people usually say oh my god, I could never handle that! But it was actually very liberating. It hurt tremendously that my mother was unable to support me and she actually defended my dad at one point. But I stood up for myself! I felt better to get it off my chest, and I felt better for putting an end to abusiveness. I felt a lot stronger and more confident after that. To this day my sister doesn't believe me and lets her kids be babysat by him. My aunts all believe me and have given me wonderful support and validation.

Who do you feel most comfortable with in your family? Are you getting counseling so you can have a trained support person who knows how to deal with abuse issues? There are lots of issues, not just yours but your parents too. I'm so glad I had the counselor I had, who was trained specifically in sexual abuse.

I think you are right to be concerned for the children in your brother's life.

I just recently told my parents that a family friend abused me, and the reactions were not quite what I might have hoped. My dad is happy that is was one of my mom's friends so he can blame her, and my mom is still avioding the issue. But I was ok because I took the time to go to therapy, and go through several healing programs before I talked to them so I was secure in myself and their responses didn't hurt so much. I wonder if maybe you should take some more time to find your way through this before you talk to them, because if they don't react the way you want, it could be devastating...but considering your brother now has kids, action could save them...tough one, but I think you do have to make sure you are looking out for your feeling and protecting yourself first. If you're not sure what you need, take the time to find out.

I was abused for many years and it has been 30 years since it stopped and i just told my daughter about my abuse and it was the best thing for me that i evr did! My abuser died when I was 12 and unfortunatly I was not able to expose him to my family or have him punished, but I think that it is important to tell and it is important to tell until someone listens
, but you have to make sure you are ready to cope with the reactions good or bad. Be strong.

My mom knew what my dad was doing and I dont think she cared,although she denies it, she is a liar she saw it happen anyway I never confronted any of the others, and just dont talk to any of then and havent in 16yrs,

If you tell them or you don't is up to you. You need to confront him at some time, but you need to do it on your time when you are strong enough to accept how ever he reacts as irrelavent. However many parents will be in denial about it and try to say it really didn't happen. The point you need to understand is that it's up to you to reclaim your life. Your brother was an evil jerk, but you are a good person, so you cannot alow him to destroy your life. You can improve your life without the help of family. You need to beleive there is evil in the world, yours comes in the form of your brother, but you have to take the steps needed to make you a better happier person, regardless of what anyone else does.

I did tell my mom and siblings when I was 19 and I'm glad I did and I found out that all my siblings were abused too. We are very open about it now. My mom just recently told the rest of the family about my cousin and everyone is very supportive. Not all familys react this way so it's up to you when and how to tell them. I couldn't ever find the courage to tell the rest of my family and one day my mom had went to my aunts house and just told them. It feels nice not to have to carry that secret around anymore.

My abuser (my older brother) died in 1993 from AIDS. I told my family (father and sisters) this year. It was very hard 0 but I knew I was not going to heal (still have my doubts) but I had to tell them - funny thing, both my sisters said I acted so strange as a pre-teen they thought I was just very withdrawn (I do have a neurological problem also). I am not sure it helped me, but it did help them to understand why I can be so distant.

My father was one of my childhood abusers. When I got married and pregnant with my first child, I started having horrible flashbacks. I couldn't eat or sleep, which wasn't good for my unborn child. I confronted my father, and told him that if he did not tell my mother what he had done to me for years, that the family would not get to see their first grandchild. I had to think of my child. If my father did it to me, what's to say he would not harm my child? Someone needs to think about and protect your brother's children. How can you be sure he wouldn't do it to them also?