Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Staying the Victim not abuser

shortie72
shortie72
My lifes taken many turns this year. Long story, shortened is that recently I was accussed be having an affair with a 14YO. (I'm 35) small town gossip and rumours work fast and well in this area. Anyway I'm not doing any thing sexually with the 14YO. So when i fisrt heard about it i was so angry and hurt. Anyway all authorities have said "nothing to answer for" the kid has said That the town talk is CRAP" and parents are ready to sue the accusser for saying Crap like that. Anyway after a lot of turmoil (months of internal conflict) i finally talk to a conuselor. I said that the rumours are so wrong and hurtful and that I would never abuse anyone, as I know the pain, hurt and problems that causes first hand as i was abused. The conuselor turned striaght round and said while i hope they don't know that about you as normally history repeats itself. SO MY QUESTION TO YOU ALL IS "IS THAT HOW PEOPLE SEE US NOT AS VICTIM BUT AS "SOON TO BE" ABUSER? I hope not, how do feel about that????
deleted_user
deleted_user
ummm some people view us as that was. Like it was a tend in my family for physical/mental and emotional abuse. it was on my dads side my dad was abused by his dad from birht to 43 years old my grandpa the same with his father and on and on. My dad changed the trend with his family, my dad never touched us kids he spanked my sibilings when they did something really wrong but thats it nothing like he got (my dad NEVER touched me..im his angel and princess all in one)So some are cuz its a trend in a family but not all it depends on the person and how the abuse affects you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree w/invisible..but they people that view us that way i feel are reactiong in fear and as result become blinded by their own fear and can't see the truth
sadave46
sadave46
While it is true that most people who abuse were once abused themselves, the vast, vast majority do not and I don't thing most people think otherwise. Although I understand what might make your therapist say what he said...but if that's how he put it, I'd recommend looking for a new therapist because that's a gross exaggeration and rather insensitive don't you think? If your therapist truly thinks that the "norm" is that people who were abused then become abusers...then he's got some issues with stereotyping and that's not a good quality for a therapist. IMHO
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have been going to the same gyn for 5 years, the last time I was in I told her I was sexually abused. She than, talking to me like I was stupid, asked if I ever had "feelings" towards my children. I have just gotten to a point in my life where I can open up about this, and that didn't help. I don't think everyone thinks that, but I will be more careful who I tell it to.
deleted_user
deleted_user
get a new counsler
she shloud not be talking like that to you
deleted_user
deleted_user
and that is why i hate therapests and i will never go to one...My mom put me in "stress" thearapy when i was 17 (no one off this site nos but my mom thought i was stressed). I went 3 times and didnt look at her, said maybe 3 words. She told me and my mom she couldnt help me but i needed alot of help!...really who says that to a 17 year old girl!...but me hating them is just my view yet i want to be a child psyc will i just hate myself?
deleted_user
deleted_user
very common misconception. it is one of the main reasons i
did not come forward many years earlier than i did. While society is slowly gettng educated it has a long way to go.

sorry for the acusations. i have been there before myself and it is very disturbing.
deleted_user
deleted_user
One thing to say about your councellor over qualified under experienced. Basically if it said in a text book that the abused go onto abuse then it must be that way in her mind. I think that some people who have been abused may have it in the to abuse but just don't bacause they know it is ethically incorrect. Did you even knwo this child? Maybe he started the rumorur as a sort of fantasy or maybe someone somewhere wanted to have you thinking about about when it was the last thing in your mind at the time.

Sorry about what you have been going through. Just keep your mind busy and try not to be alone with anyone who might accuse you. Just to make life easier.

Sorry to hear about this!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have heard some people say that. Even people who was victims say that. I know some people will who are victims will became abuse. I also know many people who are victims will became protects. I did and I know many other whom became protectors. It hurts to know some people will always look at us as future abusers. They did education !
deleted_user
deleted_user
You know what bump that counselor. He is so wrong. Yes history can repeat itself. However it does have to. He needs to look at the whole most victims do NOT became an ab abuser. More becomes PROCTORS !
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