I just need to talk. I'm so scared. It's Tuesday and it was last Friday night that I remembered something that happened to me. I always knew there was something and I feel sure there's more. But here's the deal; I can't figure out if it was really wrong or if I simply couldn't handle it "normally."

So I'm asking anybody, please tell me if what happened to me was wrong or not:
From before an age where I remember until about 12, I would be made to pull my pants down to be spanked. And I remember my parents always holding my wrists together for it too. I often had my wrists hurt as badly as my bottom and a few times I remember having marks still on my backside the next day.

I can still feel it and hear it and see it. And I'm terrified. I'm so confused and I feel so helpless. Since Friday, in my daydreams my adult friends are a lot taller than me. I'm thinking and feeling as a little kid. I can't even cry - I just hyperventilate. It was something I did as a kid to be in less trouble.

Somebody please give me feedback. I'll write more soon, but first I want to know - is that kind of spanking normal? Am I just unable to handle it? What's the deal? I can't think as an adult now. I'm completely incapable and it's so hard. I need yall to step up and think for me.