i'm so sorry hun. that is awful. one of my friends, she was abused by her step-father and her mom is still with the sick b*stard, and we think he might be doing it to her lil sister now! its very hard to be in that situation. you love your mom but you feel anger and pain at the same time. just know that we believe you. I'm here if you need to talk!

You need to take care of you right now. Put everyone elses feelings aside but your own. The hurt must be shocking and awful.

As for your mother I am sorry to say it this way but I think she is being selfish right now.

For a mother not to stand by her child...? I am touched by your anguish...

Please stay strong, and make healthy decissions for you and your baby.

Of course you don't want to talk to this abusive man - it sounds to me that your feelings are being trivialized. That makes me angry - that on top of the initial abuse, you are being subjected to this seeming demoralizaiton. You might want to get a little distance from this group and find your support in other places - like here. It sounds like there is some cruelty in all of this - your feelings are clearly being disregarded and thrown back in your face. That really makes me mad. My best guess is that you are the strongest one in the family - and possibly the scapegoat. Hang on and be strong.

I am so sorry. I know how you feel. My dad said "well, he has tried to apologize to you!" He wanted me to go to Christmas eve dinner knowing my abuser would be there. He admits he loves my abuser dearly. He attended my abuser's wedding and my abuser was in my own brother's wedding. I really know how you feel. But don't give in just because it makes them feel better. I did that for years and now I don't care how much it pisses them off...I will do what is best for me in this situation. I pray you keep doing the same.

it is really sad that your mother seems to have real issues that are preventing her from being rational.

I am sorry this is happening to you and I hope it gets better. YOu as a mother have no choice but to be strong and follow thru on your plan to keep your children away from him.

They have to be first and it is a terrible position your mother has put you in.

If your mother cannot be rational then.........

good luck

What I would do in this situation is be completely horrible to her. I would start describing the abuse and using words like 'rape' over and over again to FORCE her to understand. And then I would say 'So you tell me if it was traumatic'. Or 'How about you go through all that and THEN tell me I should get over it'.

I'm so, so sorry. Our abuse is one of the hardest things anyone can ever go through and I'm sorry that yours is even harder. It's wrong for the rest of your family to think the way they are and you have every right to be upset and hurt by that. I'm sure it's obvious to you now that those who have never been through what we have will never understand it. I wish that wasn't true, but it is. My advice to you would be to try to seek out others in your hometown that have been through this. Maybe there's a support group near you. But never rush yourself into it. Only reach out when you're ready. Again, I'm sorry that you're feeling so alone in this. But you're not. And I'm sure it seems impossible to see it this way right now, but it can and will get better. If I told you that one day it'll all just disappear and you'll forget everything, I'd be lying and I do my best to never lie. But I can promise you that it CAN get better. And I'm sure it's safe for me to say that you're loved and understood by everyone on here. And on here, you're NEVER alone.

You are not alone, we are here with you. We believe you!
I liked what 45678 said. take care of yourself, always take care of yourself!
We can never explaine why people do the things they do, why your mum said that or why your sister is on his side, everyone with his demons,fears,and mindset. you don't need them to be by yourside, YOU need to be on your side. they can't really help you now.
If they could have helped you, they would have prevented it from happening. but they couldn't, so the trust is broken. You don't need them to believe you for you to find peace. you need to take responsibility on your healing.
Stay strong, make rules and stick to them. And if your rule is stay away from him, tell your mom " Dear mom, I know you best for me, but it didn't help me and now I need to take care of myself. I have a rule that he is out of my life , I expect you to respect it"
I'm not sure I can understand from your post if this was your dad, but whoever he was, he hurt your mom too. She is in a bad state too. I'm a mother myself, when I imagine someone hurting my daughter or my partner (her dad) hurting my daughter, I die, just thinking about it. think of your mom, she needs help too.
It is not your job to help her, yours is to take care of yourself, but suggest her to go and see someone because you can see she is not handling it well.
Help her, It'll help her help you.

Stay strong!

Ronit
http://www.ronitbaras.com

i think that is bull-s as well. I know if I had to be around the person who abused me on a daily basis and look them in the face I would find my days impossible. No woman should want to be with this man. I am sorry you feel alone, i hope you have some friends nearby to speak with, but you are not alone. :)