Im sure some of you have seen me post about my relationship before.. so heres 1 more for ya ;)

My boyfriend and I are both sexual abuse and every other abuse survivors. Now.. in the past we have both hurt each other alot but we hae also made a lot of improvement. But everytime he gets to close or things seem a little sunnier I fuck it up and I dont even realize what Im doing till its done. And I know Ive re/ally seriously hurt him in the process. Now hes made ALOT of improvement and he has a lot more love to give then I do. And when I need him hes always there. But he cant expect the same from me. Im really wrapped in my hurt. And when Im hurting thats all I see, I forget he has pain and issues. And I know I sound horrible and selfish and I truly dont mean to be this way. Im starting to wonder if we need to part ways to heal seperatley for awhile.
Im worried my issues will effect his healing because if I end up hurting him that sets him back and its not fair... he should have an open fair chance athealing and a better life.
we also have 2 children that i dont want to drag through anything

I think i depend on him so much to carry me through an issue and I need to learn to stand .. I dont think I ever realized until today how much I expect him to help me. And its so unhealthy ... I think an important part of healing is knowing i can stand on my own and im strong enough. But I feel like him always being there is a crutch..

I dont know... I m so confused and I dont want to hurt him anymore then I have in almost 3 years.. bc he even tells me I hurt him alot. I dont think hes strong enough to walk away bc he loves me and hes waiting for thechange.. but what about his life.. hes throwing his healing down the drain..


Im not a bad person I just dont understand myhurt yet.. Ive been healing for a little over a year now andI just need some advice..

THANKS