besides the anger how do you feel about your mother. how old were you when she walked in on you? and how long has it been?

in my opinion, no child should ever turn their back on their parent...or vice versa.

don't make it a final thing. just distance yourself from your mom and your brother for a while. you need to think more clearly before making a drastic decision, you know? and your mom also needs to know that you're serious about this.

she probably feels stuck between her two kids in this, but she needs to stop looking at is as "choosing sides"; she needs to realize that by not coming out with this, she's teaching her son that what he did was "right" when it really isn't.

so just take some time away. and remember, you can always write to her or call her. also, are you seeing a therapist? have you and your mom seen one together? maybe that might help...

lets see - she saw you being attacked, and did nothing, and then lied about it - both very good reasons to cut her out of your life. I am sorry, but I have nothing but anger for someone like that, in my view she was an acomplice to the abuse.

I think that you need to surround yourself with positive, upbeat people - people who will lift you up. We can't pick our mothers, but we can pick our friends and there are women out there that would gladly mentor and nuture you. I would put lots of distance between myself and my mother - one thing we all need is validation - that the things that were done to us were not our fault, they happened, and we are still alive and strong. If our own families won't acknowledge what has happened to us, we need to be with people who will. God Bless you!

Legally...you mother has committed purgery (sp) and could be charged with obstructing justice, although how you would be able to prove that she was indeed in the room and witnessed the act could be difficult if there was no other witness.

I think you have already come up with the answer yourself in the fact that you have already stated that you do not trust her nor would you trust her around your kids.

GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINCT. If she didn't protect you as a child, she is not likely to do the same for your children and that puts them at potential risk.

hmmm.now THAT is SO very sad...she turned around and walked out of the room...what Mother does THAT ??

she would have to be gone from me...That would be to much total trust lost...and how do you recover from that ??
did you ask her the question of Why she did Nothing ??

I do not know what the answer to that one is for sure...that is deep within your heart...that is a very tuff thing to overcome...a prayer for you...

bonnie

I don't think it's a good idea to completely shut her out of your life. You can't ask a mother to turn against her child, no matter what that child did. She's doing what any mother would do, as silly as it is. Yes, it was wrong that she allowed it to happen, and yes, she is actually doing him more harm than good by not forcing him to get help.
However, you need your mother in your life. You don't have to see him, but you do need to see her.
HOWEVER AGAIN, if you think it would help you to cut off contact with her for a little awhile, and if that's what you REALLY want, then that's what you should do.
Any therapist will tell you that the only way you can fix an abusive situation is to GET OUT OF THERE. If you feel like being around your mother is impeding your recovery, then tell her that. Be nice about it, but tell her that until she understands the affect this has all had on you, she doesn't have a place in your life because she makes you worse.
You're an adult now, and you have to do what's best for you.

None of us can answer that for you.... you'll have to decide. Can you live without a mom for the rest of your life? Can you take a break? Or can you keep her IN your life knowing she committed a horrible betrayal against you and continues to to this day? My mother did the same thing in a different way and I took a "break" for a few years to deal with that and to get through my therapy and the healing and see if I could get strong enough to make a decision. Eventually I did and now I have a mom again....so think about what you are strong enough to do for yourself. It's all about YOU.

I am sorry you don't have a mother...a mother protects and nurtures. You sadly have the woman who gave birth to you. I applaud you for trying to make your brother responsible for his actions and what he took from you. But once again you were abandoned by your mother and it's not your fault. It's almost beyond belief how common this is to sexual abuse survivors. The reality is you really don't have a "mother" in the way you need one but it's just a reality you'll have to deal with...it's sad and it's unfair but it's what is. I would advise distancing yourself and staying away from this very destructive influence in your life. God only knows what happened in your mother's life that would allow her to do such a thing. It's evil. But don't let her continue to hurt you and clearly she will. It is sad and I'm sure you miss having a mother but she can't give what she doesn't have. Perhaps the hardest thing is...you MUST come to see and understand this has nothing to do with you! There's nothing wrong with you. Most people, especially children always think they are to blame when a parent abuses or doesn't protect them. It's not true! It doesn't matter how you were or weren't or are...she would have done the same regardless. She's sick. Stay away from her

Reading the posts was very insightful to me. Some said
"cut your mother out of your life", and others said not to.
This is probably the war going on inside of you. I can not give you advice.
My mother died when I was two. I was left with my father who used me sexually
to fulfill his needs. I spent my whole life trying to
recover and many many years trying to get him to love me.
I did not see him the last two years of his life. I could not stand his wet kisses and perverted hugs.
My family has disowned me since I spoke out about my abuse. Unfortunately I did this shortly before my Dad
died. It only took me 50 years. At some point you will find the answer within yourself. Until then, just do the best you can not to let your mother trigger you.
I hope things work out the to the highest good.

Thank you all for your views i think many of u are right in that deep down i know what i want/ need to do but it is helpful hearing other opinions and similar situations. The trust has gone the betrayal is undoable and i cant move on with her around. Thank you all. x

if you're angry at her, don't talk to her. when you feel like talking to her do. i know its hard to understand why your mum didn't want to believe what was happening, perhaps she had a similar experience in her past. perhaps she blocked out what she saw too. i blocked out what happened to me for 13 years. ever try confronting your abuser?

This is my answer in my own life... NO FREAKIN way is my mother allowed in my life. She did nothing to protect me (same like yours) so why should she have me?

In order to try really hard to be politicaly correct I will add that you need to do what you can live with.

But keep safe and do for yourself what your mother did not do for you, protect yourself!

Although not the same but similar...I was sexually abused by my stepfather. When my mother walked in on it she put a stop to it immediatly...unfortunatly she knew about it already, we (my brother, sister and I) told her numerous time and showed her "proof". Yet she did nothing, I still haven't forgiven her for not doing anything until she had no choice (we got involved with Children services and they said the kids or the man, thank god she chose us). I try to put myself in her shoes, what would I have done...I hope and pray to god I'd stop it...but then I try to understand, The man that she loved and married was doing this horrible unthinkable thing to her own children...I can't say that I wouldn't have done exactly as she had horrible as it was...Now with your mother...She is horrible to have let it gone on after she knew about it...but...one of her sons was abusing the other...If I were you I'd bluntly ask her, not why she didn't do anything, because she might not honestly know, but how she felt when she found out. As to if you should break contact...if her answer to how she felt is along the lines of she didn't know...then maybe less contact is for the best...as for your brother (depending on how old he was at the time) He should rot in hell. I apologize if I have offended you in any way.

I think it'll take a lot of soul searching to get the answer to this. Most mothers who turn their back on it, had it happen to them when they were younger. Not all mind you, just most.

Personally, I'd tell her everything, ask her why, and if she doesn't give you a straight answer tell her to get the hell out.