
Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

deleted_user
I'm brand new to this group and am looking for any and all constructive wisdom or thoughts on where I go from here. My daughter is 4 and my youngest, her brother is 6, their father and I were married for 3 years. Last week she came to me two days after a visit with her dad, with whom i have shared parenting and told me daddy touched her. we were in the er that night, they didn't find any evidence of anything, yesterday she talked to a dectective and cps, she talked but wasn't graphic, (in my mind it seems normal she's only 4 what did they want her to say) they will be taking ehr dad in for questioning in the next 24 hours, but said that short of a confession they can't do anything it's his word against hers. I believe her, i have to i'm her mom if i don't protect her who will, but i don't know what to do. she loves her daddy and my son idolizes the man they are happy well adjusted kids. there are no court papers i can legally keep the kids from him till such time that he takes me to court for visitation, but should i? if they can't prove that this happened is it fair to keep the kids from him? what if it was something inicent and not sexual and she just said it and we all jumped to conclusions? she's 4. she won't talk to me about it but i'm a mess, she has told my boyfriend more than me but she has never actually said anything more than dady touched me there, with his finger in his room and she was dressed, that's all we have. she seems fine though she hasn't slept well since the hospital visit, but i have no desire to tramtize her anymore than she already has been and i don't know what the right thing to do here is. and do i keep them both from him if i do keep them from him? i don't expect him to confess who would really? so i'll never know not for certain, not unless it happens again and she tells me right away and i have proof, but i would really rather that didn't happen. she's my baby i want to do right by her but i don't want to take two happy kids away from a mnan they love if he didn't really do anything wrong and i don't wnat to let her go back and have something happen to her if he did, so i guess i'm jsut wondering what to do from here. what's teh next step for me to take, tehy already missed one visit and i lied to him because it was over the weekend and we were waiting on cps and the detectives and such, and hell i wans't about to tell him what was up, but the kids were devistated, he lives jsut a few blocks from me with his parents and they know the schedual and look forward to seeing him. so anybody, what do i do? i feel like i really am between a rock and a hard place and i have no way out and i need to get my head out of my ass so i can help her but i'm so confused, i jsut want to do teh right thing by my kids and i have no idea waht that is in this situation so if any of you have any advice or whatever i would love to be able to talk, i haven't told two many ppl i don't wnat to ruin him if he didn't do it and we have a lot of mutual friends and i'm jsut not comfortable talking about it, not to mention that the few ppl who know act like i'm going to have a breakdown if i even begin to bring it up. it sucks i'm not even angry yet, it'll come later if he admits to it i'm sure but i'm jsut desperate to do the right thing for my kids and that doesn't leave room for anger, i walk on eggshells with her waiting to try to see f there is some sign that it happened so that i know waht to do but there isn't anything she's the smae little girl she always has been, she's my angel, the only reason i have three kids, my first two were boys, lol. but i guess that is it i'm sure i'll have more to say tomorrow but sleep is good and i need to try to get some, thanks in advance.
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Please get professional advice. This decision will likely affect the rest of your children's lives, you owe it to them, especially your daughter, not to send them into danger. Spending time with a dad they love is great, but above everything else they deserve to be safe. As a parent that is your first responsibility. Make up something, or be brutally honest, to tell your ex and keep the kids away until this gets resolved. If he's innocent and really loves his kids, he should understand and try to help. If he's guilty he can go rot with all the other molesters, and good riddance to him.
Just a note - you mentioned waiting for a sign to see if it really happened - your daughter saying it happened seems like a pretty clear sign that something is wrong. All this is just one person's thoughts, though. A professional would be able to help you put together a plan for dealing with this.
You're in a rotten situation, I'm sorry.
I would consider taking her to counseling...what can it really hurt? There may be nothing...but then again there may be something...and a few sessions IMO is well worth it. You are not skilled in this area...and may unknowingly influence her...best to leave it to those who know what they are doing so no one gets hurt any further.
((hugs))
stardust
they could take it to the courts, and should but I'd get a restraining order too and make sure the SOB isn't around any of them
lani