Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I had a relationship with a co-worker (we'll call him "David") that lasted a few months until I ended it. David was not very cooperative when I ended the relationship, and continually made it clear that he still wanted us to be together. He also became extremely jealous and misinterpreted innocent friendships that I had with other guys at work.
David's comments to me were often sexual in nature. I eventually told him not to contact me unless it was work-related. David kept calling my cell phone and sending me messages even though I asked him to stop. I thought I could handle the situation myself, but I was wrong; even though I followed all the "right" steps, my way wasn't working.
David became increasingly hostile in the workplace (only when no one was around to witness it, of course) because there were no repercussions for his actions other than me saying "stop." I finally had to go to my supervisor and report the whole thing, which was shameful and embarrassing. I have given several statements to Human Resources and I'm just terrified of what might happen next.
If David loses his job, will he come after me? I'm so scared that this will turn into a 3-ring circus. I don't know if I can go through telling my story to one more person at this point because it's so humiliating. I'm the victim here, so why am I being grilled?? I feel like no one will believe me because I had a consensual relationship with David previously. I feel like people will think that I "asked for it."
I just want to be able to go to work in a professional environment. As it is now, I can't even concentrate because I'm so upset and anxious from David's intimidating behavior and the situation as a whole. Part of me wonders if I'm to blame for all this.
David's comments to me were often sexual in nature. I eventually told him not to contact me unless it was work-related. David kept calling my cell phone and sending me messages even though I asked him to stop. I thought I could handle the situation myself, but I was wrong; even though I followed all the "right" steps, my way wasn't working.
David became increasingly hostile in the workplace (only when no one was around to witness it, of course) because there were no repercussions for his actions other than me saying "stop." I finally had to go to my supervisor and report the whole thing, which was shameful and embarrassing. I have given several statements to Human Resources and I'm just terrified of what might happen next.
If David loses his job, will he come after me? I'm so scared that this will turn into a 3-ring circus. I don't know if I can go through telling my story to one more person at this point because it's so humiliating. I'm the victim here, so why am I being grilled?? I feel like no one will believe me because I had a consensual relationship with David previously. I feel like people will think that I "asked for it."
I just want to be able to go to work in a professional environment. As it is now, I can't even concentrate because I'm so upset and anxious from David's intimidating behavior and the situation as a whole. Part of me wonders if I'm to blame for all this.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I can hardly imagine that your work wouldn't take this very very seriously! At the very least they need to provide you with some relief and support so that you can continue being productive for them, and ideally so that you can resolve the whole issue....if they're good employers!!
If your work isn't helping, maybe the police are an option? It unfortunately isn't too uncommon for women to take out restraining orders!
Good luck, and hang in there!!
I'm scared of this whole process because I've never encountered anything like this before. I'm also scared that, if David loses his job over this, that he'll retaliate against me outside of work. I just want the behavior to STOP.
The people with whom I've dealt through my work have been very supportive, but I still feel very alone at times ... which is why I've sought out support here.
Thanks so much for your response. It really meant a lot to me! =)
the only time i never had luck with such a problem was waitressing. You simply earn more if you dress and act a certain way. so i never reported a thing. I wanted customers to like me, not the guys in the back....and i've seen situations get way out of hand there.
can you make sure to leave work with another co-worker? have them walk you to your car?
If he is this bad now then doing nothing would have only prolonged the enevaitble. If you are really worried then file a police report and ussally the police will have a friendly conversation with him.
As far a work goes it is highly unlikely there will be any consequences to you, provided you have been totally honest and in no obvious way was leading him on. As I said companies take this very seriouly because of their liability if they don't do something about a complaint. Likewise the courts look very poorly on companies that do intimadate people who told on someone.
your in an uncomfortable situation at work but remember in doing so you are protecting yourself.
I hope every thing works out for you.
good luck
I have been totally honest about the situation in all my conversations with HR. I've also tried to gather evidence to cover my own bases to prove that I have not been "leading him on" in any way.
Whatever the outcome may be, I just want this to be done and over with so I can move on with my life!!
Thanks for listening. =)
I just hope I have the strength to get through this. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate ... I'm a total anxious wreck right now, even though I know I did the right thing in reporting the harassment.
I'm supposed to report back to my normal office tomorrow. David and I have been given a directive "not to speak to each other unless necessary for business." Hello?? That's what I'd BEEN doing prior to filing the complaint, but it didn't stop him from harassing me before.
I don't know how to feel right now. I'm scared, nauseated, furious and ashamed, all at the same time. HR still has some more "investigating" to do (whatever that means) in order to come up with some sort of solution to this problem. I would be ok with continuing to work with David, assuming that he's been "scared straight" by his interview with HR, and will therefore smarten up and leave me alone ... but I know him too well to believe that could be the case.
I don't even know how to react to all this. I feel like I'm about to totally lose my marbles at any second.
This may be nothing more than a shot across his bow. Many times that is all that is needed for guys like him to get the message. so don't be to upset if they don't terminate him.
HR can only respond to the facts and sometimes it is one person's word against the others. I think hr is doing the right thing by setting up safety zone for you.
you know the truth and if you have any prior emails from him that would help then you should give it to them if they do not already have them.
I think he probably got the message and will hopefully leave me alone. I went back to my office this week and he hasn't said one word to me. He has a wife and kids to support, so I really don't want to see him lose his job and have them suffer as a result. I just want the inappropriate behavior to STOP, and so far so good.
HR still has to conclude their investigation (whatever that means!) and decide upon a final resolution to the situation. That might mean someone moving to a different group, or a different office, etc. However, this guy has been talking for months about getting another job because he's disenchanted with the company ... so maybe this will be the springboard for him to do just that.
Thanks again for your support, I really appreciate it!! =)