Emily -

I understand. I was abused (raped) by my older brother and I started having sex with other men after my brother died, a sort of punishment for how I felt. But I am not Gay or Bi, but it is what I thought I deserved even though I hated him and hated every thing about the abuse. On the other hand I love my wife, but don't like having sex with her, or did not, until I worked on my issue. I connected sex with abuse and she was not an abuser, nor did I want to see her as such, so I did not enjoy sex with her.

If you associate, conciously or subconciously, sex with abuse, then you would not want to have sex with someone you loved.

I was abused at 14-15 and lost my virginity to a bad boyfriend. I used to want sex all the time, especially in the beginning of relationships, but now that I really care about my boyfriend, it seems like my sex drive has gone WAYYY down. You're not alone.

You could really benefit from Group counseling on this, it will help you understand that you did nothing wrong. I lost my virginity in a brutal rape at age 9 by my own father, and with group I was able to get past the anger and hurt it caused me.

Emily, I am sorry that this happened to you, too. I reacted in much the same way. I was abused from an early age and raped at 13. My oldest child is actually the result of date-rape. I was shamed into keeping my child, whom I NOW love very much. But for a while, all I wanted to do was use my body for revenge sex. I mean, I just thought, this is all anyone wants from me, FINE. But, I wanted to be in control. It took years for me to be able to have a healthy sex life with my spouse whom I absolutely love and adore! I found great help in group therapy because that was where I discovered that I was not alone in my sexual promiscuity. Now, I have a healthy relationship in all aspects.

I understand what you mean i was raped at the age of 7 by my stepdad then at 34 by my husband and i suffer from PTSD because of being raped when i was 7 when i was a teenager and young adult i had sex as a way to punish myself when i got married i had no interest in sex then when i stopped sleeping with my husband all together in September of 2006 3 months later he raped me and i ended up pregnant and i didnt know about any of it till i found out i was pregnant in February and by getting pregnant he put my life at risk so now we are getting divorced

"never say never" so the saying goes. I felt the way you do for years.

The good news is that your are working thru the abuse. but it takes time and commitment.

Sex is a great gift that was meant to be shared and enjoyed. In time as you grow in your recovery sex can become very enjoyable as it was menat to be.

I wouldn't give up hope. Maybe just keeping in mind that your desire to enjoy sex will be a benenfit from recovery.

i hope this makes sense. you should read my journal.

My mother used to play with me sexually when I was a small boy, and even to this day I am repulsed by overt female sexuality EXCEPT with my wife. I just adore being connected to her or any kind of sex activity with her only, climax or not.
Explain the connection there? Is it because mine was play and you ladies were forcefully raped?
Tom S. in Tn.

I have a hard time with sex as well. It seems the closure I've come to healing my heart and how it's associated with being used by sex, the less interested I'm into being promiscuous. I've somehow managed to tie my emotions to wanting sex but if there's no love interest it doesn't happen. i've had sex with my no exbf for well over 7 months, but it didn't do anything for me because my heart wasn't into it.

hi emily. i was molested from the age of 9 until i was 15. then i was also assaulted numerous times by other men and raped by my cousin when i was 14. i also used sex as a kind of punishment. much like others here, the abuse completely distorted my view of sexual relations. i am actually with a guy right now that started as one of my "games" that i used to play with myself. then i really fell in love with him and we got engaged. ever since then i havent really felt the urge to have sex with him. like indigonight said, if you relate sex to abuse, you will not want to have sex with someone you love.

hey thankyou for all of your replies, for so long iv felt like i was messed up and weird for using sex as a punishment i understand now that iv always associated sex with my abuse but im guna talk to my partner xx