
Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Let me start by saying I am new to this community. And I'm sorry for coming right in with a problem, but I really need advice. Here's the situation. All of your advice would be much appreciated.
To start, my boyfriend was with his ex for about 7 years. His ex has been raising her niece since she was born and James came into the picture when Rayanna was 2. So he has been the father figure in her life for all that she can remember. That is not the issue.
The issue is when a child is two, you cuddle with them, let them sit on your lap, run around in diapers, etc.
I was sexually abused at 12 by an uncle and so even normal things make me uncomfortable.
Rayanna is 10 now and it makes me uncomfortable for her to be cuddling (laying with him) on the couch or sitting between his legs on a chair at the computer and so forth.
Because of my past I don't know if these thoughts are coming from that or if they are legitimate.
I don't believe that she has been sexually abused or is "starving for male attention" but I DO think that because she only knows him and her aunt being together and that James and I are together and having a baby now, that she may be having trouble dealing with that and also a little jealous that his attention is split.
LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR THAT I AM NOT WORRIED THAT THERE IS ANYTHING GOING ON THAT IS INTENTIONALLY INAPPROPRIATE. I just think he doesn't realize how old she is now and that she is developing now (starting wearing a bra about two months ago) and that it's that time to create new boundries.
So my question is, at what point is it time to create new boundries and for the male figure to be less (for lack of a better word) physical with a daughter or in this case the neice that he's raised? And what should those boundries be?
Am I being overreactive? Am I the jealous one? And if not then how do I approach the subject without it sounding accusatory?
All of your advice is much appreciated....this is a really tough subject for me.
To start, my boyfriend was with his ex for about 7 years. His ex has been raising her niece since she was born and James came into the picture when Rayanna was 2. So he has been the father figure in her life for all that she can remember. That is not the issue.
The issue is when a child is two, you cuddle with them, let them sit on your lap, run around in diapers, etc.
I was sexually abused at 12 by an uncle and so even normal things make me uncomfortable.
Rayanna is 10 now and it makes me uncomfortable for her to be cuddling (laying with him) on the couch or sitting between his legs on a chair at the computer and so forth.
Because of my past I don't know if these thoughts are coming from that or if they are legitimate.
I don't believe that she has been sexually abused or is "starving for male attention" but I DO think that because she only knows him and her aunt being together and that James and I are together and having a baby now, that she may be having trouble dealing with that and also a little jealous that his attention is split.
LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR THAT I AM NOT WORRIED THAT THERE IS ANYTHING GOING ON THAT IS INTENTIONALLY INAPPROPRIATE. I just think he doesn't realize how old she is now and that she is developing now (starting wearing a bra about two months ago) and that it's that time to create new boundries.
So my question is, at what point is it time to create new boundries and for the male figure to be less (for lack of a better word) physical with a daughter or in this case the neice that he's raised? And what should those boundries be?
Am I being overreactive? Am I the jealous one? And if not then how do I approach the subject without it sounding accusatory?
All of your advice is much appreciated....this is a really tough subject for me.
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Most young children are fearful that they will not rcv as much attn when a baby is due on the way and some tend to become quite clingy or act out in the bids of retaining that attn.
Victims of sexual abuse become more attuned to body language of others I think and so they more readily spot behavior that is likely to be inappropriate as is the case with you I suspect.
Perhaps when you talk to your BF you could discuss some boundaries on what you each define as appropriate and inappropriate behavior, that way there is no doubt.