i know what you mean it took me a long for me to actually face it and i wasn't ready early on to face it i was given alchol too but i would always take a small drink and then go to the bathroom throw out and put my face in cold water to sober me up....it was scarey enough i didn't want anything to do with alchol

I have the same problem with some abuse as a child and don't know how to retrive the memories. I think is because I don't want to remember in my case.

please talk to me? i know i never posted in here before, but i've never talked about this before. i could use some support

what do you need? i will listen

i don't know what i need. like i said, i've never talked about it, i guess i just want not to feel alone

I think if there is anything that you can take from this community is that sadly many people have experienced horrifying things and that none of us are alone in what we have suffered. I have not experienced anything like what you have so I can't really empathise. The things that I don't remember about my abuse are purely my mind blocking them out. Maybe I am not ready to deal with them, or maybe I have dealt with the worst of it and don't need to remember every thing that he did, Every bruise, every rape, every cut and bite. I don't know. I understand how you might find it scary that you can't remember but I can't offer any advice, I simply don't know what its like I am afraid, and i don't know whether the remembering or not would be worse for you. I am hearing what you are saying though. I am listening.

i had a guy drug me and all i can remember is him forcing me to receive oral. but then i blacked out. according to him thats all that happened, but i woke up feeling ashamed dirty and sore. doesn't seem like thats all that happened...but i can't remember. that is only one of my experiences though. i remember all the others pretty well. but it still bugs me to no end that i can't remember what happened to me that time. i understand and you are not alone. you can message me anytime you want. i'm on a break from school till the end of january, so i'm around pretty much all the time. hope you feel comfortable with those of us here. i'm here if you need to talk.

I went through a simalar thing after I realized I was molested(I was in my 20's), I know something happened but couldn't remember. I started having nightmare flashbacks of what happened. I would than be a basket case for two weeks, shaky brain fog, irritable. My abuse happened when I was 3-5.
I was also date raped, if you call it that, when I was 19. I was drinking at my this guys appartment with a friend and blacked out. I woke up with my pants off and knew what happened. I had another friend call his work and leave a message that I had syphallis(it sent him to the dr.).
Now that I'm writing this, I'm beginning to wonder about myself and why that never bothered me that much.
anyway, it takes time, and remembering everything at once would make you crazy.

So sorry that this happened to you and at such a young age. Sometime our mind protects us by not letting us remember. Keep talking with your support people and eventually you can learn to live with it.