Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Regression and self-disgust

deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm going crazy I think. I was crying before feeling like I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. How am I supposed to find someone and have to explain to them that I was abused, I'm on disability and I don't work. It's bad enough telling someone I don't drive yet. And not only that, but now my newfound sexual feelings towards men are now turning back into the old non-hormonal, "just for the attention feelings". DAMMIT!! I was told that once I finally had the normal hormonal feelings that they wouldn't go away. But I guess they were wrong. Either that, or it's me and I'm just a Goddamn freak. The worst case scenario always seems to happen. Maybe the old feelings are there because I'm lonely, but then why would my body's feelings shut off? It's going backwards again. I'm not ever going to have a normal sex life. EVER! I thought I was finally making a frigging breakthrough, but noooo, of course not, not me. Positives don't happen to me. If they start to they get ripped right away from me. Just like everything else. I suppose I'm just damned from the beginning. I hate my life so much!!
Desertdancer
Desertdancer
I'm on disability as well from PTSD because of severe sexual abuse. I've often felt like a freak and have hated life.

You mentioned those old feelings -- that's how healing is. Two steps forward and one step back. It gets so frustrating. Some days I feel on top of the world like the past can never harm me again. Other days it's like the abuse is still happening and I'm scum.

Support groups and counseling have helped me a lot. I made some good friends through survivor support groups (they help reduce my isolation and help me feel like less of a freak) but nothing beats one on one time with a trauma therapist who really gets it.

A couple of resources to look into -- The Sidran Foundation, an excellent information and referral resource for trauma survivors. www.sidran.org and a book called "The Courage to Heal" by Ellen Bass. Cheap, used copies are available on Amazon.com. That book pretty much covers all the bases.

Wishing you the best.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your not crazy or that what they tell me. Keep reaching out. When you find the right someone you'll know and the healing will start. I t will be slow and not always good but it will start. i have been healing for the last 5 years somedays are good some are bad. My husband tells me when I get upset or down that he is still controling me and winning and he's right. Stop letting him win. I yell in my head NO!!! you can't hurt me anymore. It does not always work but sometimes it does.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have gone into regression, I have been married 8 years and Have been told I have gone back 5 years as a result of a bad year last year...I keep on doing this silly waltz one forward two backward, uuh it is annoying will I ever stop?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Unfortunately, it's the nature of the beast of healing from sexual abuse- and it is a beast. I know it gets discouraging with the 1 step forward, 2 steps back crap, but that's the way we heal. Are there other parts of your life that give you some positive feelings, that make you feel good? I think you might need to get some stuff going that's just for you, stuff that makes you feel good, before you're going to have any success in the relationship department. I think if you feel more positive about yourself, it will help attract someone who will be a positive thing in your life. Keep in mind- this is coming from someone who will never be able to have a relationship with someone, because I just can't let anyone get that close to me, emotionally or physically. I am starting to have feelings, but I know they're going nowhere because for me it's just not in the realm of possible. Too huge a leap for me to make. So my advice may be a whole lotta crap.
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