I know the feelings. Forgive and forget and quit living in the past. ARGH!!! Everybody deals with things in their own and and in their own time. I mean they don't even wait until you've gotten the anger out or expressed it all before they're saying get over it already. God, things hurt and affect us alot in many ways. It's not that easy to get over and why the fuck should I forgive right now and what if I"d rather hate the fucking asshole instead? lol Usually the people that say it are the ones who hurt you too. I mean I can get over some things and move forward but that doesn't mean you have to have these people in your life anymore. And if you don't have them in your life, they say, forgive, forget, past is past and blah blah! I'm with ya girl. But then on the other hand I have to say that sometimes people are just trying to help the best they know how in saying to move on and not let the past destroy your future etc you know? anyway, take care.

I hate hearing those words as well. For me a friend telling me to get over it is not validating my pain. I try to stay away from people like that. I remember a friend saying that like "When are you going to wake up someday and say I am not going to deal with the abuse" I looked at him and said, walk in my shoes and say that. He did not have a clue. I noticed that people who have been abused and I have been in a lot of support groups NEVER say those words. I have yet to meet a survivor who said GET OVER IT!!!!! Not once. Yep, pisses me off to even hear those words. They just don't get it. I have 3 woman, (soul mates) in my life who have never said those words. All three are survivors of sexual abuse. I still hold those memories in my body and mind right up to this very minute. I wish people who say those words would pick up a book on sexual abuse and understand the process and then say it. I think it is THEIR issue or their lack of empathy towards the survivor Yep, I will walk away from someone who says get over it, it is part of your past. It does violate and not empower me to hear those words.

far to many times and always by people who either can't deal with it or don't want to deal with or are just to obtuse to understand it.

I always ask them if you lost a leg an arm or your eye sight would you be able to forget? I remind them that sexual abuse does damage at a level where it cannot be forgotten or sweept under the rug.

Forgive, how can you ever completely forgive someone for totally changing the course of your life. How can you forgive them for taking away your childhood and leaving you to deal with the pain and feeling of worthlessness. I will never forgive him for taking my life from me. I know that in order to move on I will probably have to accept it or something like that, but I will NEVER forgive him.

It's never over, it just goes on and on, some of us may learn to deal with it, but it's always there right below the surface.

Great replies. Believe it or not I actually had a COUNSELOR lay that crap on me. Amongnst others. I left the counselor/socialworker and boy am I glad I did. Just because someone has a professional title does not make them superior or better in any way. It only means they have a degree in that subject. You cant give someone a degree in empathy

I understand why you would say this. When I was going through recovery and was emotionally torn apart, one of the first people I spoke to was my brother. He told me that he thought the best thing I could do would be to "Get over it". That hurt.

At the same time, I have been through a couple of years of dealing with my past and I personally have come to move on, and that was my choice. I didn't do it for my abusers, I did it for me. I didn't forget my abuse, as I can face the fact that I never will forget, and that's okay.

I did it because I realized that the hate I had for them was hurting me. It never hurt or affected my abusers, but it led me to alcoholism and later to have major problems with my adrenal glands due to constant stress. I learned over a period of time, how and why I would deal with it.

I decided that I wanted to live my life like anybody else. I didn't want to carry the badge of 'abused' around with me, or even 'survivor' because I didn't want abuse to define me. That's why I moved on, but that doesn't give me the right to tell anybody else to, certainly not unless they tell me that they want to.

45678 - It's "over" now, why should we live in the past? (reality is, it only begins now)
- stop it ok. im tryin 2 believe tht wen i gt the guts 2 stop this,it'l all go away. plz dont tel me it wont.

HI XXXKristyXX

Ofcourse the abuse itself is over, yet there are aspects we come to terms with, and other aspects (like me living without my parents) I have to live with for the rest of my life. That is what it ment for me to write it as I did.

The fact is we each deal with our abuse in our own unique way, I for one hate that I went through too much including my childhood with out a father or mother.

And by all means you sound like a much stronger person then I, and I applaud you for that. I wish you a smooth road ahead... looking back and laughing at my stupid thoughts/comments.

bump

ugh completely true.