Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Ok i was wondering for those who went through child abuse. i was wondering pictures of yourself before the abuse happened, when it was a "happier" time. Do you ever look at them and get mad at it....sorry if that sounds odd.
But my parents where camera happy when i was born cuz im there "little girl". and well when i look at pictures of before my surgery and my abuse mainly (the both together) i want to scrible all over it, rip it up or somethingg i wont do it to the actual picture cuz i am also camera happy. But i i cant stand looking at them. In the pictures when i was getting abused, i look at them and then wondered why i let it happen and why it happned and so on, and i want to do the same to those pictures as the other ones. i hate looking at pictures of my self, and when i get ready i hardly look in the mirror, i dont liek the mirror i have one thats it, when i was 10 and we moved i "accidently" bummped into my dad and uncle so they would drop my body mirror.
anyways i was just wondering if anyone else was like that with pictures
But my parents where camera happy when i was born cuz im there "little girl". and well when i look at pictures of before my surgery and my abuse mainly (the both together) i want to scrible all over it, rip it up or somethingg i wont do it to the actual picture cuz i am also camera happy. But i i cant stand looking at them. In the pictures when i was getting abused, i look at them and then wondered why i let it happen and why it happned and so on, and i want to do the same to those pictures as the other ones. i hate looking at pictures of my self, and when i get ready i hardly look in the mirror, i dont liek the mirror i have one thats it, when i was 10 and we moved i "accidently" bummped into my dad and uncle so they would drop my body mirror.
anyways i was just wondering if anyone else was like that with pictures
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
There are other photos that I hate. I'm older in those and look at "that child" as if something is wrong with her. Why didn't she have the strength to tell. At that point "she" knew it was wrong. I hate that child.
My mother has a bag of some photo's of my later childhood. I am not supposed to touch them. I don't remember much growing up, and it's like discovering a my own existence when ever i see one. When i want to remember more i will go through them.
this has been bothering me...
i've always had a particular aversion to having my photo taken. I'm fine with my photo's once they're taken. There is a period of yrs where there are no photo's of me. i just wouldn't allow it... EVER. I've forced myself to change that over the yrs.... but seirously...for a span of 10 yrs i might have...3 photos? I don't want to make something out of nothing....so i'm just thinkin this is shyness
I needed to go back and see the difference for myself. My mother was an avid 8mm camera nut when i was growing up.
So took all the 8mm tapes and had them transfered to dvd. I was amazed to see the differences in me before the abuse and after it had started. It was even more interesting to see how in the course of the years of abuse how my expressions changed. I remember one snipit in particular. i was eighteen and my eyes were dead to emotion. very scary to look back on but it was one of the best things i could have done. All those films where of good times and times forgotten. While I may not have enjoyed the time in my life, there were still good times. Many lost memories have been recovered by those 8 mm tapes. And they reminded me just how much i am loved.
I don't really know how many pictures exist when I wasn't being abused. I was being abused for as long as I can remember, around 3 years old, and it probably started before that.
Most of the pictures I have of myself as a child, before I had learned to smile for the camera and just pretend to be normal, I look super sad. I have a picture of myself at my 4th birthday and the expression on my face is one that someone that age should not know.
As for now, I love the camera. Maybe it's a coping mechanism of some sort. I mean, I was used in pornography among other things and now that I can "control" the pictures, I eat it up.
I don't know. I don't really look at pictures from my childhood. I look so incredibly sad.