maybe if she understood why you didn't tell her? if she had a better understanding of the effects of abuse.

I do find it a little strange that she isn't comforting and there for you through this... is there more to the story that you would care to share with us?

Maybe you could tell her that hiding it is not the issue. These things surface as we are ready to deal with them. You weren't deceiving her - you just weren't ready to talk about it before - I assume. Will she discuss this with you? You have done nothing wrong - the teacher abused you. That is a very personal thing and cannot be addressed until you are ready to do so. I'm frankly not sure why you lost her trust - you have done nothing wrong. Try to talk to her - or maybe you could get a book that explains sexual abuse for her to read. hopefully she will understand how complex an issue this is. Good luck - and I hope she listens.

the more to it, is I had told my wife she was my first, and I was hers. the fact is I lied to her. the worst is I was with my abuser when we where dateing. In my opinion she feels I cheated on her, lied to her, and can hide things from her very well. Also she has told she always took pride our fidelity and the fact we only had shared our bodies with each other. Other than that, I sometimes wonder if I am projecting my lack of trust in her, {note I really dont trust women}. Simply, I am confused

Have you thought of going to therapy and talking to somone about what happen to you at 13. I think therapy really helps to sort out all your anger and rage at the person who abused you, which was your teacher. I am a believer that once abused you cannot go thru it alone. A therapist will show you that it was not your fault. The abuser had all the power over you, no matter what age you were.

yeah, i agree...you should both try seeing someone.
My first reaction to this story is anger, honestly.
you were a victim. I can understand why she would feel upset by finding out so long after, hurt that you didn't confide in her sooner. Or even disappointed about the connection she thought you had, and did not. I can also see how you might be projecting your guilt and fears on her, But i just don't have enough knowledge and experience to judge these things, any of them. I wish i could give you better advise. But you did nothing wrong, and should not feel guilty about it. I think you should talk to someone, and possibly marriage counseling?

you must give her time. she will come around to trusting you again

Unfortunately, my husband disclosed a similar experience...and I thought and felt the very same thing. But once he explained how much shame he had over this...I began to see a clearer picture.

It's always a double standard, if it were a man abusing a girl for 4 years there'd be an uproar. But when it is a woman abusing a boy, it is seen as wow, what a lucky kid, I'd never tell, wtf is wrong with him for whining about it being abuse and on and on and on and the woman in his life when he is an adult simply sees it as a relationship. Fair? Of course not, but it's the way we've been taught to see things and it's part of the problem. Counseling for both of you is probably gonna be needed.

Sit down with her and tak about it. She doesn't understand what you are going through you can't expect her to unless you have a good talk with her.
Explain to her the fears of telling someone you care about tht you have been abused. Tell her that you love her and need her tp trust you again that she is the only one you have told and that it was a big thing telling her now even after 6years.
You need to explain everything that you can to her so that she knows or has a feeling of why you kept it from her for so long. If she loves you like I think that you would love her then I don't think you will have any trouble with getting her to understand..

Update us on how things go for you k!
Best of luck!
Reen

Just read another post of yours. Ok so you didn't tell her the complete truth I still stick byt sitting her down and having that talk with her. Explain that even though she hasn't beent he only one she is the one you WANTED to be with and the abuser gave you no choice. Make sure she understands that to you she is the only one and she means the world to you.
She has to understand that you couldn't help the fact that you were abused and you were too scared to tell her.
Make sure you are as open as you can be when it comes to it ok
Give her time and she will back to being all yours!
Reen xx

Why do you need to regain her trust? What did you do wrong?