I went thru several therapists before I found one that was right for me. Some just did not understand that I wanted help, but in a way that would not make me feel worse.

I did end up finding a wonderful shrink, who I saw for 3 years once up to three times a week. But he listened and he let me go at a pace that was right for me.
the sad part is that I stopped going to him. I was at a point that talking was no longer working for me. The ironic thing in my situation was that his name was the same as my abuser. I never called him by his name.
Just keep looking for someone who is right for you and who will let you go at a pace that emotionally safe for you. I know how you feel.

i had the same problem with pace,...i haven't been able to bring myself to a therapist since =/
i dunno if it had anything to do with it, but she was an analyst.

have you tried free association writing? even posting that in my journal a bit helps. or trearing it up afterwards. i know when i don't let out my anger in small doses...i snap
but finding the right dose is so hard =/

what about working out? that seems to help with my anger some too.

this might be way off the mark but i have issues with fear - fear of emotionally dealing with certain things causing me anger

my pschotherapist said to deal with this anger you have to confront it - i am still trying to confront it and until he explained it was a fear i didnt realise it was!

but once i realised and thought of it like being scared of heights extra then i began to work out how to tackle the problem

in your case i would suggest that it might be a fear of dealing with the emotion that is coming from you (you are scared and unsure of what you might do or feel) but if you go over things slowly it might help

for instance start by trying to write his name or maybe something related and do it over and over until you feel completely comfortable

this may take a couple of hours but believe me after the initial step of starting and just doing it it gets a hell of alot easier

then move on to something more harder like writing things more in detail or saying his name or getting some one else to say his name over and over until completely comfrtable again and slowly you will feel more at ease when things are mentioned becuse if you want todeal with the situation you are going to have to talk about things which affect you and this might help - i know ot did with me!
i had to watch awful videos over and over which made me cry
hope this helps

I really not sure what to say.

I know from experience that if the anger isn't confronted it will eat you up and continue to take from you. So I agree in principle with your counselor. but It is all in the approach. If your not comfortalbe with your counselor because you cannot feel they are any good or she is pushing to hard then maybe you should try and find another one. on the othe hand if you don't want to go because you don't want to face the anger then I think you should take your time in making the decision.

You should be able to talk with her about how you are feeling and I would tell her the things she says that are triggers for you.

Or have you done this already?

I am back to the beach ball.

every try to hold one under water? It takes a lot of energy to hold and it will ware you down and hit you right in the face.

Sorry if this sounds like preaching. two wines. what can I say.

good luck

My therapist had me take a tire iron and beat the hell out of phone books - or was that a water hose - well anyway - it was a great physical release of the anger. I guess the idea was the keeping anger in is bad for you physically and it did help get rid of the stress that had built up.

Thank you all for your suggestions. She is the only therpist in town i would even consider going to...not many options in a small town. I know I need her to be aggressive with me, and I know I need to go back. I just don't want to because I don't want to feel anything. I miss the zombie days when I was on valium and I soooo want that back!! I hate these feelings. She also suggested working out but I don't have anyone to go with me and I don't have the motivation to do so. I want to crawl in a hole.